overdue

/ mbrazfieldm

God i’m not one who talks to You very much only You know why but right now with the sky dark my dog snoring the kids yelling next door Mumbai on the fevered lockdown Syria weeping on her feet and fear infecting logic on the tube i feel compelled to thank you for my blessed life for affording me the gift of bitch and cry designer colas and multiplexities of the mind coffins lined up on my screen die ye wicked crowned virus fiend God i know You know what i mean i thank you for my life for my pains strife and what i’ve left behind thank you for my job my smile my friends my cries those three times You knew why i was spared but now i know i really need for You to see that my feeble squeaks in some way will move You and take my bended knee to mean that in the witness of these stars and weeds that my human tribe be relieved from all the things that ail us

16 thoughts on “overdue”

  3. Do you really think that “GOD” or some spiritual or supernatural entity will willingly come down from the sky and wipe out everything we’ve done to the planet? He or She will let nature take her course as per usual.Your belief is your belief. I’m not criticizing you or your beliefs.We are responsible for our own mistakes and must take the consequences.
    I don’t expect or want your reply to this. Your opinion and beliefs are yours and I respect that.
    Take good care my friend.💜🌹xo

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    • Thank you Stephen. I accept all the f’ed up stuff I’ve done. We all have free will. Of course it doesn’t exclude us from all other selfish and self destructive human behaviors. Having said all that I believe that nature will triumph and that there is something Higher than me. And as frustrated and angry I get at us as a human race, I love us. I dont believe in hell personally, but just as there is a Higher there is a Lower, at some point I will have to contend and that is that. Love and respect to you friend and thanks for serving. Didn’t know you were in the Navy till you shared last time. Take great care. Xoxoxo

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      • I am with you on this spiritual plane… plain? Playne? Hmmm. Nature is higher thing, for me, and we are a part of it and will face our reckoning for sure, but as individuals we can do our best for one another, for the land we have, for the creatures we encounter in an interconnected journey that will either end with a smile or end with a tear. I want to end it with a smile holding the hand of at least one person who said “you did your best and your best was pretty good”

        It has taken me a while and perhaps even this true crisis that has impacted us all for me to say… that past version of me… the one I hated and the one I often wanted dead… is now actually dead and gone. Remnants and ghosts still pass through me like a chill but he left behind a treasure box full of wonderful people, seed paths to other wonderful people, and a crew of gifts of humility, grace, and desire to serve those willing to accept my service… and then there is the writing, the enigma of writing…

        My life at sea is now packed up in boxes and trunks or donated to second hand stores. It will need to be there for a while for me to appreciate the good that I did, but everyday I get closer to that day. Kind words help, I know my life in the navy was better than my backwards reflections, which are often distorted by the things I did to cope, like any addict who turns to something, anything to fill a god shaped hole. Any rate… I blather on again.

        I could have just said Butter Knife! Fork yeah!

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  5. Beautiful. I don’t have another word that works for this expression of yours.

    Hey, Stephen – your use of “backward reflections” made me think of our friend Mitch Teemley, who recently wrote “Remember your future well.”

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  7. Very nice — thank you. I don’t watch the show at all, but the phrase that goes through my mind reading this true mediation / prayer/ poem is — “This is Us”. Yes. This is us, for better or worse and let’s hope Someone can help us somehow make it for better.

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