in the beginning was the word
as i unfold beneath my mother’s water
there i am suspended
in the middle of my death
beneath the water
where the all of my love
must now reside
beneath the water
and i heard the wind say
twixt the trees and the bush
and the word was with Him only
then my father spoke prickly and grotesque a gruesome eye opening
black doves in the dream led something in me to scream beneath that water
when that something of a passing breeze separated from the flesh of me
it said that the word was God
and i chose to fall back beneath that dark blue water
while upon my dubious rising
my arms stretched out
to the sinking of the sun
Abandonment
when will will learn
it has been there since David’s death truth mercifully laid out
just and only human not chosen by anyone
born of lust that’s it nothing more than that
you’re lying to yourself aren’t you tired
no ornament jewel pedigree or endorsement can change that
if anything extraordinarily unimportant is what you are
get it through your head the fact is not out there it’s in front of your face
smile why don’t you talk in pretty words give the bestest blow jobs to him to him you are just a convenient commodity
with willing open legs spare me those perfectly rolled tears as you hope that someday he’ll take your hand instead
dull minded old girl your will is not your own buck up
it starts with one step then two and so forth out from the world into your house where your will waits for you to open your heart
and for once let it swallow you whole
one day in January
hush she coos
the west is nearing
the sky leaves sullen traces
angels weep a tepid rain over
graves of stoney colored flowers too wounded to proceed wherein
ojo de venado
for the most part
this Spring has been bland
the honeysuckle doesn’t woo me
the curiosity has dried from my heart i don’t read how i used to
Bad Brains or the good Reverend Horton Heat don’t sound to me like they used to way back when
there is an apostate strand of DNA to the right of my interior
the witching hour sticks at me like when Ladd Jr soccer kicked a wasps nest
i’m weak and can’t believe anymore my demons know they’re close to laughing last
my molars are ground down tear ducts parched i don’t have mercy for me
God i can’t feel You next to me how lost i feel tonight
there is a world that got away the war is done but i’m still trapped in this fucking battle
numb and cursed moss eyed doe i think i’ve plucked my own eye out
perhaps it’s just nature and my time has come to grow a beard
perhaps Noemi has gone away her angel’s don’t sit and play poker smoking big cigars like she said
it’s 4:37 am
no one wants me nor do they wish me anything any which way
click
strike
lit
gurgle
pour
clink
suck
blow
gulp
there’s an Aztec sunrise ceremony on channel 2
my belief in magic’s gone
carnations are pink
in my kitchen calico lady cat yawns at the sunny rays piercing the window
she don’t like tuna a real nut job of a cat
my coffee’s ready four cubes and half and half we engage eyes the cat and i
she stretches ten feet long including freshly sharpened claws on the leg of the velvet black couch
i concede she’s the queen i drink coffee smokey creamy good i think of a certain lover of long ago
the cat she knows my thoughts i blush a little her pupils broaden at my joyful shame
my memories entwined with coffee steam like my lover’s clumsy breath descending on my bright pink mound
to miss not the sensation but the act of being held for a few moments by a pair of hungry arms
sensing the melancholy seeping in the cat meows at me asking that we share a glance out the window
my carnations had bloomed again after a long blue winter
it’s cool old dude
were both off you know
drunk wild seed spreader
we met in combat always
we tried i still remember the porky pigs and bugs bunnies your fellow inmates drew when you sent letters from jail
twisted twisted twisted we became one old soul one fallen angel
it’s late now you a legend i’ll leave it there
it’s ok i’ve found others to take your place then they betrayed me too
ha! trust you say i have none not even for me
i needed a daddy maybe in another life i was something wicked and i deserved you or maybe it was the other way around
you hurt me a hurt so so deep that i don’t know how to let God in
but it’s ok i can walk talk think and take a bath i can breath laugh and when they least expect it maybe even love a little
i really needed you father when i went ape shit and almost took my life ok ok a few times
just like mom always the corrector
you tried and thanks for letting me be your father
if i was a guy i wouldn’t be a good husband but i love kids so maybe i’ve been my own dad at my age i’m still confused my time line shattered
it’s ok we did what we could i can drive monster trucks shoot guns and know basic boxing moves
thanks daddy that makes me cool
i’ve got to go now we hurt each other
your legacy was tough to carry and since then i have tweaked it a bit
maybe today i will be my own mirror
threesome
moon peeks slowly orange glow beautiful at two in the morning
we inebriated on thoughts on old angers and accusations
moon she shows cleavage through silks and laces tailored for her by the Venus
we savage with our voice one fist raised above the other torn lapels teary eyes your cut knuckles my need to run
moon swells enormous pregnant by the Mars no weeping in her labor she knows how to raise the stars
we impassioned and raged swell in our erotic locations kissing negotiations the climax nears the horizon
moon wanes with satisfied relief and the pinkest carnal flush
wine
sweet age she nestles between the folds of my skin
the blurred mirror tells my tales
eyes dark yellow swamp colored crystalline with dew
tears they have emotion encoded through the years
my lips pucker and it’s my grandmother who i see eye brows raised a little my mother stares at me
and when the scrutiny of French soap is through only a jaundiced blush peeks on my face
reminders of past lovers’ livid strikes
youth you silly delirium pills spirits powders and glues substitutes for reality during a time when lies were truths
aged lady time i have always loved you a dumb girl Don Juan begging for you be merciful old girl my bones are soft and wine however fine was rarely a comfort
this hill of mine beloved of Fante and i oh do you remember the sliding down rolling banshees trust fund empties
ah i talk too much i have been dying since Eve’s creation was not being born the original abomination
time please cloak that mirror i don’t want to be trapped in my memory of wiping bloody sorrow from my face and from the face of my mothers
time can i ever forgive myself
rouge
hot rhythm
pulses my middle
heat kisses my begging thighs
lava tongue spinning salacious
rivers of lust along my woman valley and into the navel of my heart
patience
with warm scarlet tears
she sits sometimes she glances
rosebuds slowly yawn
