Charlie grew weaker
from the old
1940s window pane
i’d hear him
then one dusk
in September nothing
a few days
passed i rummaged
the building’s trash
casually looking for
unexpected art supplies
it seemed Charlie’s
kin tossed out
everything that he
possessed and of
no advancement for
them pedigreed relatives
yet in my
quest for treasure
troves i found
from Ohio an
old Glessco bottle
i built a castle for you
made from fantasy bricks
crystal pink and jubilant
some of the windows
just framed by stories and things
not of any worth
the walls my twiggy arms
at times scuffed and bent
but strong
when the winters came
the foundation
a mere pond thawing
no life just murk
so i gave you pillars
adjusted from my short legs
lifting you from your knees
as you held tight
to the roses and wine glass
in your hands
and the birds
i could never get them to sing
for you Mutter
my throat unable
to find its stolen words
distant smiling eyes
what sad secrets must they hide
i wish they’d me
your
Judas
kiss
on
Adam’s
lips
my sister later said
that when mother left
the tears on her velvet cheeks
were like lily petals
time has passed
on most days when
i notice myself in the mirror
memories of her voice and sorrow
crowds my day
by eve’s time
sitting alone on the porch
some plump flying angel
will rustle up the honey suckle
and a vision of mother i can feel
quiet resting finally relieved
you ask why do i cover it
wandering around town
a million thoughts
abstract in their reality
answers swerve but then the questions haunt
im not a fitter in the jigsaw of today right now
just a passing sorceress with a spray paint can
strayed under the bridges dirty shoes bruised features
archangel seal on finger never ringed but broken twice
but even in slumber you complain
how can anyone ever hold you
your hand anchored to your hardened chest
it’s a reflex i whisper back
shes frail
beating hushley
neath this bony tattooed hand
those songs sweet piano notes the ones sung by Adele hurt the most as they remind me of what dad did to mom
those words from boisterous guys showing off on bended knee their devotion perfection and digits of currency in worship of me will someday soon turn lethal
those men with delusions of being the righteous new species from Adam came and it won’t change that they are internally afraid of what their daddy did to their momma
from time unknown we flow and go turning around in circles a pull a push in darkness beams and the light sometimes is not that clear
even tears give up before our heart when we slip into children playing dress up me mommy’s shoes you daddy’s boots the familiarity of violence
time does not heal no matter how much it says in the public service announcement the warning signs the stacking cans of fire water rage combustion on music notes the peaceful hoax of love everlasting
i’m feelin’ like a blue steel gun
with my fine determined sharp lines
my edges separate the somethin’ from the nothin’
and the come-hither handlin’ parts
sleek momma eye candy deluxe
making genitalia of all denomination shape and size
feel like a super daddy fuckin’ stud
i’m feeling like a blue steel gun
caught between your palm and thumb
a dialysis rig for your bad juice blood
my nuts bolts springs and inner workin’s
the physics and reasons in me aching
of no interest to you your heart or your mind
i’m feelin’ like a blue steel gun
remember in that case where you found me
promises dowries certificated truths
stroking of the barrels looking into soot
my trigger and your raging accusin’ fingers
you offered as my wedding band
i’m feelin’ like a blue steel gun
cast out after years of deeds gone wrong
silent spitting fire of your tongue
looking out my winda’ late at night
wonderin’ why you are the way you are
we chameleons tempering our feelin’s
showcased on a devil’s iron eye
cus we’re both rusted raw on the inside
i’ve seen multiple coroners tents these few weeks white tiny like a fortune teller’s but there are no chances no predictions no suspicions just finality i’ve not felt myself murder being televised 5G capitalized on death’s dealings my smile and gentle nature up on stage demands the talent and strength of an opera singer the gall of most world viewed presidents laying down or standing still mind woodchips all of my plans palms to the sky warm sun light reminds me that there is a God i’ve seen the death of my father dressed in blue he brought down by what he held up all of his life i’ve seen the death of my mother and the sting of unfamiliarity that divided us i alien child no umbilical cord on my feet walking slightly off smell of medicinal debauchery from last night peppers the air snippets sensationalized wishing shards of words empty whirling eddies of promise obscure delicacy is what i want when i want to be alone middle age was always middle age at any point in time imbibed in the yolks of many situations took on the foil as well as the queen as well as the beggar as well as a fiend feeding rats in the alley in the middle of the day with words that mean nothing but carry weight just the same i’ve seen too many coroners tents bottom line no one gives a fuck is the appropriate cause of death on the only certificate some of us will get privilege tells me to take some time trim my cherry tree smell the air inventory what i have and be grateful count the finches outside fighting on the bush that has a doctor and expensive fertilizer i want to tear my hair out at times rage knock over bureaucratic tables like Christ in Jerusalem
words less spoken 