laughing a little in the dream i had a roasted turnip with paprika for breakfast maybe that’s it it’s noon on Alpha Omega how does that work for you there is loneliness in her jeer but she keeps at me i’m not beautiful like a spring breeze i’m not delicate like a feather i cannot be a ballerina with two stone feet i am nothing and i cannot write pretty words like the zenith is your eyes i write rusted words like hurt me with your tongue knife and my ideas weigh like mercury on mars but she the Venus does not mind when i do her bidding our way of seeing life is very different i smitten with the downtown proletariat she with uptown well to do’s i can’t believe you are my daughter i know i say that i agree with you it’s too late momma i’m half way gone it’s best this way no hard feelins’ right i know punctuation and the grammar rules real fine but my lips shoot out the poisons thought of in my heart perhaps if reincarnation does abide the cosmic rules she’s supposed to follow i will come back as a super model just for you but now you’re gone and i see you in the clouds above in periwinkle linen and jewels the color of God’s eyes i heard you mother all of our unhappy life together and while on earth your words did bite me i also learned to use their teeth to cut my noose i ran away and did it my way it nearly killed me too but rest assured that in your way as a mother that you were your raising helped me through
Child Abuse
three sun girl
at seven months utero blue washroom
the fists pummeled my mother’s face
she never knew i felt it too
in 71’ there was a great earth quake
they ran out and left me in
she never thought i felt it
a tiny tot no older than three suns
the girl with more suns you left me with
shoved my little hands and face
into her secret universes
nobody cared that forcefully i ate them
often told to talk about the greatness
of your perfection as a guide
remind me if you can what were your triumphs
with this backwards crazed unparentble child
other than your abandonment
for many years and as i developed into a self defined
grotesqueness of abomination
taught by the punks the junks and queers
they are my kind they know about the record
not knowing then what i know now
this feeling i snorted it in chugged it
down with lots of gin that other feeling
i shot it up to the Lord above and took it
in the front and back from any boy as lost as i was
i took the punches curses put downs and secrets
too unsavory for the family name sake
there was a time when i yelled fuck you to
everyone around i cut the cord called you both whores
and headed into town and here i stand until the
end that nears upon me nuzzling my throat
with words in nature cleansing
i now move up one more step of wisdom
understanding that the spark of love for you
unrequited as it was never tainted
the three sun girl can go to rest
her eyes no longer brimmed with tears but hope
in plain sight
humming birds cooed outside your tiny trailer
not a coincidence
French café table coffee can ash tray
the drying bamboo shoots
tender green leaves into the cool air
some nights looking
out from the yellow laundry room window
the sparks from the
slender lit cigarette mimics the fire flies
that live in
the imagination of a confused neglected child
old brown eyes know
they are watched and relish the thought
Dr. Spock forgot to mention
launch
painful
fists at me
i don’t care that
it leaves a blue mark
i’ll just put ice on it
besides skin gets tougher with
time and i’ve got lots of it to
have patience and learn from your mistakes
take it out on me whip the love i have
for you into hell i won’t need it much
just don’t tell me that i’m useless rot
your tongue has a way of killing
a wide eyed love i have for
myself and the Spirit
and it will only
cause my will to
chase demons
in the
dark
seventhirteen
and then the YHWH said I told
you so the vampires suck my mind clean but there is nothing that
the blue cannot repair when i get
the itch beyond repair the bones of rapture sidewalk dirty o hosanna mercy
my unto you split tongued brother me
thinks that behind all the churches Eve was framed pass the roller holy
shit i now see the world is
beautiful float float float among the brick the sign the pain the red
rider gives me a lift brother what
you say John it is i who is ugly pardon me sir i
am your mirror antiseptic dirty test don’t
beg in front of my cathedral go next door boy next door boy
next door the Buddhala idols clash with
the golden walls of mirage purpose Vegas you say i guess let’s get
away oh yes brothers yes the young
of evermore fodder for the dirty lust i must i trust i shall
be cleansed the flock will not be
taken Satan must not win but he would go play poker what you
say yes he can 7:13 ok roller
square dice baby pierce the bribes of common let the goat go to
the edge don’t let the innocent crumble
