dear postcard

i am here on Hope street in a liquor store its open because its essential outside is a sickness it’s been here all of my life remember when i was young and fearless and unattached now i’ve fallen in love with life and have everything to lose my priorities have changed so bloody much i ran myself into the ground now i’m dying to break free dear postcard with the ultra blue ocean pearly shore electric green palm trees and skinny bikini girl with exaggerated tits remember when i was young and my freedom was a tether to a wild wild road now reluctantly i am here masked ten miles from my home gloved lying to the cashier about needing sanitizer and candy bars fiji water and a box of cheap cigars for my diabetic neighbor the sickness deep in my blood hypnotically stares at the bottles in the case here at the crossroads again postcard i write on you a note for help living one day at a time has become a slippery hell

LA girls can channel A. Ginsberg too C19/2020

their bodies as tired as my mind are a conglomerate of recycler rim shop churches and everything is gated and stifled as the spirit of the child i’m looking for chain link fences rent free beautification of Western Avenue top $ cash paid open we buy metal Medicare Part D appears almost as much as “Jesus Saves” i’m in on all of these treasures that no one takes the time to look at i still cannot find my girl i always stop at 13 seconds i ask

Iglesia cristiana el remanente fiel testimonial Cathedral and Christian school Church of God in Christ iglesia pentecostés primer amor next to the color TV by RCA motel that is open 24 hours Sermon on the Mount Bronco motel on the corner of Western and 55th United African church marked up by the 55 kids crew and all the horny husbands whose wives are left alone demand a price menu for my most exquisite lips

night flows cold nerves exploded at the tips Chinese laundry out to dry the sky the stars turn off one by one and birds are sinking under mud blue gods of the century turn west and all along the mountain lightning stops to cry the purple mud dies on the day of war maroon worms climb up no legions loom and the resurrection is postponed because of my ignorance

that is cast over the horizon of sanity

and the expectations of the rules

these chains are only invisible

and a prayer will break them through

the secret in plain view

in front of those scared eyes

the more decent we become

the harder they will come

truth continues to stay stuck

3000 years ago

evolution in an isotope

is not the way i go

the next selection

nobody has sung me to sleep
i think as the green chile frozen burrito thaws in the 7-11 microwave ring
while the four minutes buzz by i stand in a line to pour French coffee in a 99 cent styrofoam cup emblazoned green and orange
7 sugar cubes black steam rising like a genie woodsy cinnamon that melds with the patchouli on my skin
the oven dings me to attention
the burgundy corn rowed attendant girl smacks gum like cud while stirring safety orange colored cheese ooze in the sweaty container her name tag reads Patricia
across Broadway is the farmers market Feng Shuied on 4th over here honey the flowers over there by the old bank bookstore apples and grapes by the old merchants den
i think i’ll get some lilly blossoms
my brain begins to hum something by the Smith’s outloud
there is a millstone round my neck today
the pavement wet with northern rain and i like it’s sepia tinge
the thud sound of pea green goop hitting the ground alerts me
burrito down i wrap what’s left for dinner on Tuesday
the coffee lasts for as long as it takes me to cross the empty street
i slip on my mask one loop at a time behind my hair and ears
somebody’s hipster husband smiles at me
in a way the Crystal Healer wife might not have liked unless they both are swingers
the blue tooth hums blink three consecutive times and AC/DC attacks me
the final riff flows through my rickety bones and for the next selection i settle on Tchaikovsky

in other news

rain pitter patters on the window if i look hard enough i can see tiny cat nose triangles and pomegranate shaped paw prints and another angel died

the high school music class saxophone huffs through into my room and the virtual eight grade students cheap ass marijuana wafts in too while another angel dies

the mayor explains how critical the strain is on the county and how we hold hands and fight from our couch as another angel died

the smell of my books and the pills that i took colors of my mind are tired and somber angels dying left and right

ventilators generators procreators thieves and hope beauty mud Your Kingdom come and another angel died

and if i make it past this trip i’ll still click on channel blank brains and angels will still die

the state

Out damn’d spot! Out, I say’
the bridges of my neurons are rapidly burning
crumpled bitter roses scream in the foulness of the sapphire air
we swing softly with broken fists at the rock hard sky
welcome to the New Jericho in my mind where Bob Dylan and i sing till half past nine
with tight shut mouths we quiet the temptations
red are dreams that stir profanity in what we see in the black hole deep inside
Katchinas on the plane drive in Teslas to a shame spot on the backs of believers
nefisē be’iwineti ālechi gēta ḫayilini set’enyi
the frozen lighting of impossible miracles brightens some frigid nights
and so Grady croons to the vigilante squirrels of Santa Monica California
there will be broken bones and glass and dreams and motley monks will see the candor in the stream
nicht mein zirkus nicht meine affen the periwinkle gargoyle prayed
but the scrubbing of my hands will not always cleanse the triggers that condemn me

mbrazfield (c) 2020