i alone live with this reflection
the nature in the God and i a mere feather
look around nowhere to bury my exhaustion
i see beyond the bones of time
a hall of mirrors is the water
my wings held hostage by its weight
i carry souls both day and night
whose reflection no longer stares in awe
of the terror underneath our feet
mirror in my eyes
i haven’t seen in years
there’s been a silent blindness
blocking off my sight
the heart she braces
my inward glance
poppies gold and red
flicker in the wind
a lock of tender hair
across my face
a smile greets the come what may
pupil to pupil reflecting back
truths in simplicity
in a room 1942 there i stood walking slow lights aglow in silent agony
across my street i heard the feet of the walkers in the dark
my eyes they’d dart inside and out of those walls that did contain me
on my lips a hunger creeped that caused my throat to scream in silence
and in these halls the books do hold the history of everything
my arms they mourn that he is gone away from the safety of my hold
and in this home i live alone because outside there stands the lie that is the bane of my existence
a fire erupted in Lebanon of which i know nothing of about it came in a dream i think i was half alive halfway gone into a forbidden slumber i thought about my life many many years back i thought about the people who have had an impact and how a lot of things went wrong i thought about the lucid dream i had of the bronze daughter of Eve Celedonia she called me by my true name she said your name is California i paid her no mind i thought it was just my acid trip and then reality struck upon my mortal lips i screamed like i had never screamed before Satan was laughing by my door and i saw myself burn never the houses of the rich and never the souls of the poor and always the souls of the rich are never to be found upon a cold and icy rest the bronze daughter of Eve Celedonia she called my name and said you are California blood will run through your face blood will run between your legs you are the nest of the trafficked California from head to toe said Celadonia you are damned you must fall you will fall onto the ocean of the tribal Kings that ruled this place so many years until Morrison sang about them
sky why you so blue
grass so green
trees so tall
soul so clear
eye so deep
as to decipher
what’s not clear
to this wounded heart
can these walls
really be it
alpha’s omega
will come so soon
the comet this way
comes again
to interview my nature
i once found him looking into my eyes holding my hands
he moved me to live to love to laugh
while the endless hoping
that my days will die fast
fuel the tomorrows that cast me into a grinding trap
i really wish i wouldn’t have to leave and pace back and forth between cold frontiers looking into darkness
the void is left
as limbo and i walk hand in hand exhausted
hail to R Banks for conceptualizing and making this offering and picture possible love you so much
well she said
i’m done with my soul
all six lives are gone
the songs of victory
echo away from me
no need to be
anything else
i was what now i give
to you
time appears to have gone on forever and there is a big chunk of me whatever i am that has not changed on this day a very long time ago i was granted permission to come into this world to a big city that is just made of legend i learned very quickly that when the sun went down we all bled shit sleep fought hated just like each other no big difference not from the next city over not from the next country over and probably not from other planets today that old cautionary statement we only live above our demons but we never get rid of them swirls in my head i confess at times i don’t know how i think how i see things i don’t even know sometimes if i believe in pain emotional spiritual physical i don’t know the difference at times what does it feel like to be without pain does it feel the same as being in pain don’t know so here i am back at the Cecil Hotel right where i have always been obviously not in body but in soul sometimes when there is no one around to question the fuck out of me and why my face looks or doesn’t look how they want it to look that particular day i wonder am i a ghost i wonder have i been reincarnated i wonder when i look up and down Broadway and Main to the left or to the right and then i look up and turn around and i look at empty shells of buildings where gargoyles used to be decorations masonry ballrooms perhaps so much and then there will be a particular window that enraptures my eyes and i can’t look away and if i squint my third eye i swear i can see her young dark hair big green brown eyes i don’t know what her name would have been maybe Hazel maybe Dorothy who knows not a modern name and then when my third eye blinks she jumps
words less spoken 