hesitant

it doesn’t seem so long ago

that i smoked some cloves

was listening to the Pogues

and drifted into some world war

that i’ve only seen in film

over at Grauman’s Chinese theater

my blues are turning black

and though i opted out of methadone

it never meant that i was strong

will i ever say farewell and laser off the scars

of the circumstances of our battles

at two i’m getting up to pee

the midnight birds are wrapping up

the roosters will shortly crow their song

across the street with the old Japanese couple

i like to think that yesterday’s gash was really a fluke

but the book teaches that we must be quite honest

not being responsible enough to make a decision

i straighten out the linen closet instead

until the sun washes away my pain with her golden arms of fire

a vesper

sun and moon greet and kiss

either side of their cosmic cheeks

today i don’t walk among the people

for romance style gain or art

it took time much of it

even heavy parallels to this universe

of squalor in carnival color

today i’ve come down deep

into the cracks in everything

so said Leonard

i small as i am look inside

the glass now empty the pipes

rigs foils all of it wasted away

in an instant of solemn mystic revolution

soft and quiet in the rancid room

on the corner of this street

sons of man queens and goddess

the stars are coming out

from the ancient rubble

from whence angels and demons fall

to look at me not my disease

i grotesquely beautiful in triumph

i’m over me released myself per se

to the right the ruins of the past

to the left the fragile bridge i’ll tread

across to take upon my care

the tender new i

made even by the equinox of life

the meaning of us

slow frail time nears us

old i as you are parting

new i takes over                   

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