longing

on the shore where it is quiet

the people gone for the night

but only the echo of their laughter

tangled up in the ebb and flow of the tides

the foam crackles on the scrumptious sand

my toes drill into the warmth of your shore

a sensualness seeps through the pores of my skin

because that beautiful he moon above me

with glorious pewter rays of light

directs my memories of you

who are of the universe now

i still stand here alone on earth

walking with the sons of Cain

sentenced to miss you exclusively

the twelve golden stars to weep they must

to bear witness of what the polarities

of our world have done to my anemic heart

this land were my feet don’t touch

tell me please what are my charges

will the grains of sand

who lavish in the waters of rebirth

rebuke our love as well

lady Blue release me

to swim about in your sea

and race my soul toward the last sunset

flores

me

staring

silently

at sun flowers

floating in their pot

enjoying golden warmth

while birds chirp a symphony

the heavy heart looking at them

wondering where time went yesterday

my eyes know that i too will wither soon

gouache on paper mbrazfield (c) 2019

day at the beach for a city punk

thoughts splintered some sharp others dull and short reports wobble out from flat digital boxes hung from careless walls breath tight or not there at all walking distance from the back to the ground floor books and writing on the walls in the tunnels by the bay ocean blue line thin horizon children grow up and grow into a certain kind of thought me i haven’t grown yet so i color in the sand with tiny sea shells found around my ankles as the tide retreats from me

hesitant

it doesn’t seem so long ago

that i smoked some cloves

was listening to the Pogues

and drifted into some world war

that i’ve only seen in film

over at Grauman’s Chinese theater

my blues are turning black

and though i opted out of methadone

it never meant that i was strong

will i ever say farewell and laser off the scars

of the circumstances of our battles

at two i’m getting up to pee

the midnight birds are wrapping up

the roosters will shortly crow their song

across the street with the old Japanese couple

i like to think that yesterday’s gash was really a fluke

but the book teaches that we must be quite honest

not being responsible enough to make a decision

i straighten out the linen closet instead

until the sun washes away my pain with her golden arms of fire

officer Cassidy and the J walking kid

you/so what is the problem now

me/ nothing

you/your father is worried

me/hmmm… i haven’t seen him in three weeks

you/the school district is thinking of recommending a level 12

me/i don’t wanna go

you/it’s for your protection

me/all the shit i needed protection from has already happened

you/ why are you angry

me/why not

you/do you think sarcasm will help you

me/i’m not asking it to

you/your psych tests show you’re very smart

me/i’m a girl

you/(smile)

me/so… are you charging me or what

you/what’s the rush

me/you bore me

you/you made the driver crash his car

me/how do you figure that i was just crossing the street he ran the stop sign thinking i would suck his dick

you/now is that language necessary

me/i’m talking the way you boys do

you/he says you ran toward his car

me/i did not i was crossing the street J-walking to be perfectly honest

you/so you’re saying he was trying to kidnap you

me/no you’re saying that

you/enlighten me

me/he sped up as i was getting on the curb he thought i was a hooker

you/hmmm…are you sure

me/look i didn’t total a car so i really don’t care what you think or believe

you/your dad is worried about you he thinks you’re doing drugs

me/i know he’s doing drugs and more

you/you’re so young why so much hate and rage

me/(smile)

you/well

me/i’m cool man

you/maybe you need to go to juvey for a while

me/on what charge

you/(silent glare)

me/was my mom called

you/she told the principal to call your father

me/(knot in throat) cool

you/the driver wants to press charges

me/that’s fine

you/do you care about anything

me/sure i’d like to visit Bora Bora someday and i love NASA

you/you’re a piece of work

receptionist/the parent said he’s not dealing with this to call the mother

you/were going downtown kid

me/(knot in throat) may i request a copy of “The Catcher in the Rye”

you/(silent glare)

Dionaea muscipula

flowers are nice but i didn’t get them often the guys i dated weren’t romantic i guess it’s ok i get me flowers now and again i do love a good road trip and the feel of wind in my hair i’ve never been one to lend herself to tight long hugs it frightens me or when i got to like it they left me its best to kiss first wham bam thank you man and then run away forever i love a nice juicy philosophical conversation or if i could find someone like Tesla i admit that it gets tricky when lust calls but he wants a commitment and i’m not prepared to fold so i’ll walk and i’ll think i’ll paint and i’ll stall i’ll fly and i’ll land in his nest when he is vulnerable

train is nigh

end of battle

tired can’t sleep

life full

of non-sequiturs

non-sense and violence

cheap sex never love

or very little

pelvises copulating mid air

no connection to the heart

always flying soaring

to nothing

rules put-downs and judgments

torn down by the veracity of my past

hard to imagine

process logic fire lover

too tired

no lifting cups tonight

war pipes away

needles of deception

found out today

air in the mid night clear

love not supreme enough for me

Coltrane our train is nigh

rumination ii

to breathe

in your aura

the smell of your hair

the rough of your chest

peek a boo huff in your voice

the way you look down

to catch my breasts

in your hungry mouth

to breathe a past

and let it go

floating like ashes

when we were lovers

and we were kings

but time is not a lady

who waits for those who fear

of losing life

to breathe a future

where i am lost

without my lover

without my king

did you go away from me

to make me kneel

and see me bend

in the blackness of

night’s bitter drink

the purge

get lost

Love

away with you

i’ve packed your bags

your cab is called

get the fuck out of my way

let me place

my bourbon on this table

and no i don’t use your coasters

i’m done with you

i refuse to wait

no more a fool

my time is out

for years and years

and seven fold

i crawled on knees

i soiled my soul

for you to hold me

i yearned for you

i cried for you

i died for you

so many many times

and in the darkest times

when i thought you cared

you tricked me

with a warm hand

a kind lie

or a fake kiss

i ran away

and groveled

and that one time

a torrid past

with three or four

i shared your bed

thinking i was special

but now i’m grown

and have found

a better lover

he’s cold and dull

and never calls

but never yells

or hits or tells

me how imperfect i am

i adore him

the only loyal one

Solitude

yearning in code

breath

silent

sweet whisper

cooed inside dreams

honey veins the sting

it comes on spurts of hot

metal polish in the blood

wolfram exploding in the night

thinly necked liquid sand holy grail

near blue Nirvana send me off to sleep