cyclothymic
Author: mbrazfieldm
ferris wheel
free to float slowly
through time and silent spaces
where angels hold me
day at the beach for a city punk
thoughts splintered some sharp others dull and short reports wobble out from flat digital boxes hung from careless walls breath tight or not there at all walking distance from the back to the ground floor books and writing on the walls in the tunnels by the bay ocean blue line thin horizon children grow up and grow into a certain kind of thought me i haven’t grown yet so i color in the sand with tiny sea shells found around my ankles as the tide retreats from me
hesitant
it doesn’t seem so long ago
that i smoked some cloves
was listening to the Pogues
and drifted into some world war
that i’ve only seen in film
over at Grauman’s Chinese theater
my blues are turning black
and though i opted out of methadone
it never meant that i was strong
will i ever say farewell and laser off the scars
of the circumstances of our battles
at two i’m getting up to pee
the midnight birds are wrapping up
the roosters will shortly crow their song
across the street with the old Japanese couple
i like to think that yesterday’s gash was really a fluke
but the book teaches that we must be quite honest
not being responsible enough to make a decision
i straighten out the linen closet instead
until the sun washes away my pain with her golden arms of fire
iconoclast
when you paint your face
to highlight
the earth
the womb
in your eyes
the beginning
keeper of spark
when you cry
your muscles
hold back
the vengeance
of a super massive black hole
she wolf
protecting her pups
we would think
that you’re illusion
but that simply
isn’t the case
Goddess maker of kings
when the Almighty
anointed them with crowns
it was your blood
that flowed
through their veins
lonely orb
director of the stars
all roads lead
to something
that isn’t very far
mother black crow
sister white dove
cousin gray owl
into the holy
waters dammed up deep
with secret
mystic powerful
graceful silent
ghost humming
hymns of all that’s told
modern wrecker
proof of life
everlasting warrior
immutable light
against the ones
who insist that cloaks
are wise
only you
in all eternity
to come
revolutionary
prophet
i raise my eyes
to behold the
invincible iconoclast
officer Cassidy and the J walking kid
you/so what is the problem now
me/ nothing
you/your father is worried
me/hmmm… i haven’t seen him in three weeks
you/the school district is thinking of recommending a level 12
me/i don’t wanna go
you/it’s for your protection
me/all the shit i needed protection from has already happened
you/ why are you angry
me/why not
you/do you think sarcasm will help you
me/i’m not asking it to
you/your psych tests show you’re very smart
me/i’m a girl
you/(smile)
me/so… are you charging me or what
you/what’s the rush
me/you bore me
you/you made the driver crash his car
me/how do you figure that i was just crossing the street he ran the stop sign thinking i would suck his dick
you/now is that language necessary
me/i’m talking the way you boys do
you/he says you ran toward his car
me/i did not i was crossing the street J-walking to be perfectly honest
you/so you’re saying he was trying to kidnap you
me/no you’re saying that
you/enlighten me
me/he sped up as i was getting on the curb he thought i was a hooker
you/hmmm…are you sure
me/look i didn’t total a car so i really don’t care what you think or believe
you/your dad is worried about you he thinks you’re doing drugs
me/i know he’s doing drugs and more
you/you’re so young why so much hate and rage
me/(smile)
you/well
me/i’m cool man
you/maybe you need to go to juvey for a while
me/on what charge
you/(silent glare)
me/was my mom called
you/she told the principal to call your father
me/(knot in throat) cool
you/the driver wants to press charges
me/that’s fine
you/do you care about anything
me/sure i’d like to visit Bora Bora someday and i love NASA
you/you’re a piece of work
receptionist/the parent said he’s not dealing with this to call the mother
you/were going downtown kid
me/(knot in throat) may i request a copy of “The Catcher in the Rye”
you/(silent glare)
love letter to Allen
hi
Allen
it’s me the
kid who read you
too early in her life and yelped before
the howl can’t you see i really love you
i’m a boy in
a body
of a
girl
me
i had
a mother
too she was gone
but until now i can’t write her poems
easing her death for me lost in the fog
can i be a
blue sailor
with you
and
sweep
across
this world to
hear the voices
louder in our heads and words seeping through
the Hebrew ghosts of our mothers’ tears for
a life torn to
tiny bits
too small
to
pick
up and
put back on
the shelf of show
Allen did we get old in babyhood
is that why passion runs lukewarm tempests
i’m fading in
my only
land
where
copper
painted god
children played with
the sun and all her golden sisters too
before the bearded strangers came with the
ships and fools to
drown in pools
of their
own
made
sorrow
tonight i
want to drink to
you the man i love and sip from your mind
the dirty thoughts the ones with guys and all
that comes with them
if i can
only be
a
mere
armpit
hair of yours
and see what you
have seen and hear the howling of the fears
that haunt all men to their torment in life
so poorly lived
and here i
am for
you
Dionaea muscipula
flowers are nice but i didn’t get them often the guys i dated weren’t romantic i guess it’s ok i get me flowers now and again i do love a good road trip and the feel of wind in my hair i’ve never been one to lend herself to tight long hugs it frightens me or when i got to like it they left me its best to kiss first wham bam thank you man and then run away forever i love a nice juicy philosophical conversation or if i could find someone like Tesla i admit that it gets tricky when lust calls but he wants a commitment and i’m not prepared to fold so i’ll walk and i’ll think i’ll paint and i’ll stall i’ll fly and i’ll land in his nest when he is vulnerable
train is nigh
end of battle
tired can’t sleep
life full
of non-sequiturs
non-sense and violence
cheap sex never love
or very little
pelvises copulating mid air
no connection to the heart
always flying soaring
to nothing
rules put-downs and judgments
torn down by the veracity of my past
hard to imagine
process logic fire lover
too tired
no lifting cups tonight
war pipes away
needles of deception
found out today
air in the mid night clear
love not supreme enough for me
Coltrane our train is nigh
they
they too tumultuous for the human skin in the concrete castles of their heritage across seas and spirits children of the mental Gypsy of the skies buried standing up because of the way it had to be they modern ancients blood slow blue for bruising not for nothing else pain deep from marrow bone deafening in the soul of future fruitlings scrubbing out a filthy spot that wickedly came anyway woe upon no one else but the dueling ‘archs’ and pass the wine for sobbing
words less spoken 