hold
your breath
easy now
that’s good like that
i like it when you
tense up and move wildly
oh see there the moon blushes
together let’s hold the dam back
slow down some don’t give in too quickly
in a few moments the lightning will strike
hold
your breath
easy now
that’s good like that
i like it when you
tense up and move wildly
oh see there the moon blushes
together let’s hold the dam back
slow down some don’t give in too quickly
in a few moments the lightning will strike
my forest concrete
slabs winding wires swing high
moon down we whisper

you’ve made it this far
at the front step of mystery
i am sweet enter me you are man
answer my question of why all is all
tell truth at risk of enticing your anger you know
i too am wise
deep is the diamond there’s a reason He hid it there
you are the key to unleashing continued life
but where did it go wrong the seed it falls to nothing
where did i lose center when did i gain pain
look into me and dare say it is Eve’s fault
i ask you are man where does omnipotence end
i am the vessel the chalice the grail in code stop chasing your tail
let us grow together why place your foot on my neck
does it please you to see me ground into the dirt
my legs are strong my arms hold the children from
the poisonous suns
i too am wise
man come into my center at times i too am harlot
and i become like a god my brother man
my mind gets pulled into a thousand places
but i know that what the king wants
i am your pleasure the reason you exist
enter my warmth the ecstasy of my womb engulf yourself in the holy
mine are the rainbows the rains and the wars
mine are the secrets kept between my legs
fools who thought of taming me
have not quite made it back
I loved the balmy Monday mornings, skipping school and eating candy bars for breakfast. I loved sitting on street corners and watch people beg and drink and carry on. Some would scream and yell at invisible entities. I, a mere ignorant child, would laugh at them.
On some Tuesday mornings I might go to some classes, English and Art. Nineteen eighty six was also a year of self decline and so I would become an internal rager. I’d scream in silence and yell very quietly, almost apologetically and like a mouse. I was my own entity.
It was around the cold season in LA when I met Taino at the Cecil. He was a friend of spare cock Amos. I suppose by today’s social and political standards Taino was a transgender person. A male to female.
There were discussions about the Iran-Contra affair at school. But, I was too high to care. The internal me was asleep in a bigotry of soul, intellect and spirit. Something in me was hurting awful bad and illicit street medication provided a wave of relief like nothing else I could have ever imagined.
My city was filled with anger and deep pockets of despair and poverty. My city was also filled with anger and discontent and profound pockets of despair, pain and prosperity. I quickly deduced that money does not necessarily hurt or help, but it never brought happiness. Not the kind you feel when you hug a puppy or your mom sings to you or your Da stays up with you when you had fever. I’ve always remembered the first time I hugged a puppy. Taino and spare cock did the best they could with the other things I sorely wanted.
During the cold season in 1986 I also began to feel something toward God. It was a cartoon I saw in The LA Times. The Challenger blew up in the heavens and it was televised. It appears that the astronauts had touched His face. I was high and sad and uneasy. Internally, I began to cave into myself, to think too much, to question and to doubt myself. I began to imagine that God felt we were becoming too bold.
On a rare occasion, I was pleased to be challenged by my school principal to write a report on Abraham Lincoln. For years I thought he looked really bitching; all Emo before Emo was a thing.
Grady learned different perspectives of global political history that 1986. I understood that in some ways human nature and our own personal choices would always drive the civilization inside of us before any collective could flourish.
That year, I had my fist brush of psychological testing. My principal felt that I was confused for being of the opinion that the Union wasn’t aiming at freeing the slaves first, per se, but rather in uniting the country. My folks never got wind of the situation and if they did, they probably thought I’d grow out of it.
i loved the balmy Monday mornings skipping school and eating candy bars for breakfast i loved sitting on street corners and watch people beg and drink and carry on some would scream and yell at invisible entities i a mere ignorant child would laugh at them
on some Tuesday mornings i might go to some classes English and art nineteen eighty six was also a year of self decline and so i would become an internal rager i’d scream in silence and yell very quietly almost apologetically and like a mouse i was my own entity
it was around the cold season in LA when i met Taino at the Cecil he was a friend of spare cock Amos i suppose by today’s social and political standards Taino was a transgender person a male to female
there were discussions about the Iran-Contra affair at school but i was too high to care the internal me was asleep in a bigotry of soul intellect and spirit something in me was hurting awful bad and illicit street medication provided a wave of relief like nothing else i could have ever imagined
my city was filled with anger and deep pockets of despair and poverty my city was also filled with anger and discontent and profound pockets of despair pain and prosperity i quickly deduced that money does not necessarily hurt or help but it never brought happiness not the kind you feel when you hug a puppy or your mom sings to you or your Da stays up with you when you had fever i’ve always remembered the first time i hugged a puppy Taino and spare cock did the best they could with the other things i sorely wanted
during the cold season in 1986 i also began to feel something toward God it was a cartoon i saw in the LA Times the Challenger blew up in the heavens and it was televised it appears that the astronauts had touched His face i was high and sad and uneasy i internally i began to cave into myself to think too much to question and to doubt myself i began to imagine that God felt we were becoming too bold
on a rare occasion i was pleased to be challenged by my school principal to write a report on Abraham Lincoln for years i thought he looked really bitching all Emo before Emo was a thing
grady learned different perspectives of global political history that 1986 i understood that in some ways human nature and our own personal choices would always drive the civilization inside of us before any collective could flourish
that year i had my fist brush of psychological testing my principal felt that i was confused for being of the opinion that the Union wasn’t aiming at freeing the slaves first per se but rather in uniting the country my folks never got wind of the situation and if they did they probably thought i’d grow out of it

i’ve been having dreams of clouds and angels but in the visions the angels are grotesque explosive different than what tenet of organized religion has shown me they live everywhere in the liquor store the launder mat my potted plant Aunt Ruth’s Chihuahua they are meaty beings with fluffy hands some even smoke cigars my favorite is a Mae West look a like her name is Hortance she has foul language she does with a cockney accent too i’ve been having dreams of me falling through clouds and the angels fall with me i’m screaming my head off but stop mid air every once in a while to check my watch the guardian angels assigned to me smoke way too much pot they’re always late to pick me up when i’ve fallen through Dante’s layers the other day i did ask Fidel if the rumors about him and Che were true but Che floated in with three stiff mojitos we all just quieted down some things are better left to the dead my friend i’ve been having dreams of clouds and angels they hide in the fox holes of the sky boot camp for the war of good and evil amongst men i’ve bruised the tenets a little sorry Ma some things are just so boring some things are just for me to grapple and doesn’t Yahweh forgive our stuff anyway
sky begins to ripe
auld blue soul ushers silent
nesting for the Fall

shivering in the bedroom
trying to find a slightly less mended Chanel
middle aged
anxiety on my tongue
finger nail polished half chewed off
scar tissue protrudes on my left knuckle
the difference in the mosh pits was
we all beat
each other up together
the other morning i went out
to see some band play
they weren’t quite what i remembered
slower thicker grayer
yet still crazy
jacked up rockin
in some of our heads
high on beet juice and weed
when i stand in my room
i don’t want to just be rockin in my head
i should go to the beauty clinic
and laser off this scar
but i’m not ashamed by it
besides i might read Bukowski in the waiting room
and offend some old Barbie
i’d like to be banged by that bass player
and have him pluck on my thing
and then there’s Beck on Mt. Washington
singing Spanish riffs into the mike
the band has never heard of me
but we both know how to twirl and punch
and they have to go home to their wives
standing in my bedroom
my moves aren’t quite as swift
the best band i ever knew went disco
and the new bands lack the rage
i try to start the mosh pit
and give the bass player my number
but they twitter about health
things
yoga things
beet juice recipes
CBD things
i watch the boba settle in my milk tea
i know what my fate is
but it’s too gruesome to process
i won’t land the bassist

i didn’t always know
that life would be
ok
i was never sure
who would be there
but
my understanding of the
workings of the world
would
arrive some day i
guessed a lot at
seven
so i watched the
war planes fly fast
t.v.
kept my heart curious
about how life could
have
been but didn’t quite
happen that way for
me
but i have ten
fingers and ten toes
i
can still walk and
talk although nonsense it
may
be and i can
laugh and sing off
key
and i can find
those old reels of
the
blitzkriegs and still feel
the sadness for the
world
my head those clouds
i somehow knew well
just
a child i was
lost in the luftwaffe
of
life’s adults who were
possibly less well equipped
than
me a little kid
mastering the power to
heal
sun and moon greet and kiss
either side of their cosmic cheeks
today i don’t walk among the people
for romance style gain or art
it took time much of it
even heavy parallels to this universe
of squalor in carnival color
today i’ve come down deep
into the cracks in everything
so said Leonard
i small as i am look inside
the glass now empty the pipes
rigs foils all of it wasted away
in an instant of solemn mystic revolution
soft and quiet in the rancid room
on the corner of this street
sons of man queens and goddess
the stars are coming out
from the ancient rubble
from whence angels and demons fall
to look at me not my disease
i grotesquely beautiful in triumph
i’m over me released myself per se
to the right the ruins of the past
to the left the fragile bridge i’ll tread
across to take upon my care
the tender new i
made even by the equinox of life
rain and Halloween 14 lost boygirl
LA let’s play East H is the oyster
let’s go nowhere what have i got to lose
streaks of time fingers and others touching
what was part of a dowry gone poisoned
my turn to burn the cancer of this pain
rage shame weakness and hate
the mark of incomprehensible
where did it go wrong
i’ll say it plain
they took my innocence
my sense of self
spirit and mind
and you expect me to shut up
the weed is grown
and life takes course
confusion sets the stage
and the ocean swallowed me whole