sun sets by the park
ducks whose proud necks extend high
fought the urban wars
Author: mbrazfieldm
Doña Margarita
now as i look in the mirror i see the scar on my neck where his ring ripped my skin off and wrinkles from all of the times i smiled before and after the event during that moment i fought back with everything i had i too was Jacob Israel in my bathroom looking down as my fingers blindly feel for eyeliner i think of Doña Margarita standing four feet tall outside of Our Lady Queen of Angels Church where i had gone that night looking for watermelon agua fresca i was thirsty for normal human contact she cajoled me about buying one of her amulets a little brown felt square with a saint on it or was it Michael i don’t recall anymore i smiled and shook my head no and as i walked away my mind was already boarding cloud nine but she followed me and said llevatelo es gratis i took her offering as her eyes turned stony with warning a few blocks away deranged in the annals of fifth street i lost it somewhere so into the bar i stepped had a few laughs saw a few flies guzzled a few vodkas and prepared to go up to the third floor to visit Taino another LA merchant turning the corner to go into the morgue like hotel lobby two arms wrapped around my 80 pound frame and into Werdin Alley we rolled but i swung with weak little arms i reached and i scraped faces arms noses tracers in denial that this was reality i focused on our collective flailing tattoos then ink covered my mind i woke up in County over hearing LAFD say she’s been a victim of a violent crime yet i could still feel the brown felt of Doña Margarita’s amulet in my hand it was anchoring
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Eunice
Eunice
sits
by the
twin doors on
her porch waiting for the
mail to arrive and have a conversation with
Yan the carrier who always asks about her past and what she’s doing
it’s time for the Moon Festival and Eunice enjoys hearing Yan’s stories too and when his wife sends her Moon Cakes
her heart skips a beat with joy today she wore a peach silken robe her hair is wild and white legs tucked neatly under thighs and her lap nestles two brown gray Siamese kittens
eyes deep black filled with wisdom earned through pain war and humiliation but if you look closer her irises are flecked with bits of gold these are the triumphs of her life i want to be like Eunice graceful with the power of her forgiveness she is eternally untethered from the mortal coil of man
strong in her conviction to love without having to be loved free to walk through the doors of challenge steadfast in her beauty shining from within soul armor for the soldier Queen her lips sea shell pink have spoken with the angels her thin vein covered hands have opened promise closed opportunities for mass destruction Eunice swift of foot feeds the weeds and prized flower bushes the same life is life she says and through this ancient simple third eye view the weeds have nourished the orchards of love
Eunice with her basket feeds the multitudes with far less fish than Jesus can provide today but in her patience and plentitude of faith the cup of satiety somehow runs over in the inky crescendo of the twilight Eunice sits in her back porch by the door where she cried hiding sorrow when the universe collapsed as seen on the 11 o’clock news many Aprils ago clutching a holy book to ensure it’s protection in case that night’s devil came to her own door i know i’ll never be like Eunice with spirituals circulating in her veins while her licorice skin warms the spirits of the children next door who dress like ninjas for the Fall and every year as she pretends to be the frail victim for them to save her reward is the blooming of a brighter future in their innocent laughter
Aaron
when our palms met
that balmy Chinatown night
a little lost canary
from the corner pet shop
sang a melancholic cord
switching his little face
from right to left
he looked at me
and flew away
i had fallen in love
the kind of love
that makes you scrutinize
your breath your weight and even your thoughts
the kind where
you leave your beloved
friends pets and dishes
behind just to think about him
the kind of love
that makes you check your phone
fifty times at two in the morning
you know the kind you lose
your soul to in the encasing darkness
and nothing feels the same
distilled death and i churn my spirit
but you danced with me
for a few years
you are no longer Aaron
i am no longer me
i don’t recognize my smile
its erased forever in your cusp
my heart has melted away in your hypocrisy
my common sense buried under your peach tree
and Aaron he no longer lives here
and i don’t recognize
the song of the canary anymore
wish
i cant go to the hospital now ive got to come down its just that he made me so mad why do i do this to myself ive got to replace the mirror God im out of control i have an exam tomorrow maybe if i sleep but the blood isn’t stopping if i curl up by the toilet i might not wake up ive got to wait and come down the ceiling is cotton candy lies my skin floats like a lily pad he’s right but why does he cheat he should just leave but we need each other i need to lay down he hurts me so bad just like my mother i feel most alive in pain without it i don’t feel im dead but this isn’t right maybe church but they would judge me i need help the blood is finally clotting i don’t like how i look his other woman looks like the magazine girls im not worth all of this but i have some pride he knows ive never sucked any dick for my junk i don’t think our society circle can say the same for him no they are good people to me at least they listen and were all lost together i wish this was a dream i wish i was real i wish i could disappear how do i do this maybe im just a salty little cunt ok i broke the mirror because i don’t like what i see im not ready to say where it all began i don’t know if i will ever be Lord im walking through the valley of the blackest shadows i hear the laments of others too i cant feel you anymore Rabbi
triumph
although you called me stupid i didn’t hesitate at the liquor cabinet tonight
on Wilshire blvd
trees
naked
and white far
away castles
in the platinum
forest painted silver
then the city bus belches
toxic filth into my lungs that
plead wildly and gasp for mercy then
catching my breath and thank the stars i’m home
angels tan too
the angels orange
in their glow today appear
super strange to me
soy la pesadilla
nos guste o no
así soy
así naci
así me he desarrollado
salvaje en la ciudad
una mona sin fronteras
peleando con cualquiera
pero con mucho corazón
te invito a que me juzgues
sin pena
que me odies
y mi insultes
no me cambiara
y cuando los que más amaba
me entrenaron como un huracán
lo que ustedes me puedan lanzar es inútil
mis ojos son ciegos
no miro color nación tipo de sangre
no miro religión nivel de educación
ni con quien te acuestas
no miro si eres cruel ignorante narcisista
y claro para que mentir todos juzgamos
pero la diferencia entre yo y tu es que
yo proceso con mi corazón te dejo o te tomo
si tienes sed te ofrezco agua
si estas desalojado aquí está mi tierra
si tienes hambre te doy todo mi pan
si tienes frio te doy mi ropa
si estas sufriendo yo sufro contigo
si me golpeas me muero de risa
si me humillas te doy mi sonrisa
si me traicionas te extiendo mi alma
pero hermano con excepción
si quieres lastimar a un niño o al anciano
al que no puede defenderse o regresar la punada
con mi ira te vas a encontrar
no tengo opinión sobre política
las leyes existen
el orden existe
libertad condicional
pero nunca me pudiste
controlar y menos amargar
así soy yo
te dedico con amor y franqueza
todo lo que soy
a tus pies nunca me esperes
pero mi mano aquí esta
yo sé lo que soy
soy menos que nada
y el día en que necesites
aquí estaré lista para amar o luchar
eu sou o pesadelo
goste ou não
sou assim
então eu nasci
foi assim que eu desenvolvi
selvagem na cidade
um macaco sem fronteiras
lutando com qualquer um
mas com muito coração
eu convido você a me julgar
sim pena
que você me odeia
e meus insultos
eu não vou mudar
e quando ele amou o mais
eles me treinaram como um furacão
o que você pode jogar em mim é inútil
meus olhos estão cegos
eu não olho tipo nação cor de sangue
eu não olho religião nível de educação
nem com quem você dorme
eu não olho se você é um narcisista cruel ignorante
e, claro, para nós mentirmos todos nós julgamos
mas a diferença entre eu e você é que
eu procuro com meu coração eu te deixo ou te levo
se você está com sede eu te ofereço água
se você é despejado aqui é minha terra
se você está com fome eu te dou todo o meu pão
se você está com frio eu te dou minhas roupas
se você está sofrendo eu sofro com você
se você me bater eu vou morrer de rir
se você me humilhar eu te dou meu sorriso
se você me trair eu estendo minha alma
mas irmão com exceção
se você quer machucar uma criança ou os idosos
quem não pode se defender ou devolver a punada
com a minha raiva você vai encontrar
eu não tenho opinião sobre política
as leis existem
a ordem existe
liberdade condicional
mas você nunca conseguiu
controle e menos amargo
eu sou assim
eu te dedico com amor e franqueza
tudo que eu sou
nunca espere por mim a seus pés
mas minha mão aqui é
eu sei o que sou
eu sou menos que nada
e o dia que você precisa
aqui estarei
pronto para amar ou lutar
i am the nightmare
like it or not
so i was born
here i am
this is how i developed
wild in the city
a monkey without borders
fighting with anyone
but with a lot of heart
i invite you to judge me
without shame
i know that you hate me
and insults
will not change me
and when those who i loved the most
trained me like a hurricane
so what you throw at me is useless
my eyes are blind
i do not see color nation or type of blood
i do not see religion or level of education
nor with whom you sleep
i do not see if you’re cruel ignorant or narcissist
and of course we all judge
but the difference between me and you is that
i process with my heart i leave you or i take you
if you are thirsty i offer you water
if you are evicted here is my land
if you are hungry i give you my bread
if you are cold i give you my clothes
if you are suffering i suffer with you
if you hit me i’ll die of laughter
if you humiliate me i’ll give you my smile
if you betray me i’ll extend my soul to you
but brother the exception
if you want to hurt a child or the aged
who can’t defend themselves or return the punch
to my anger you’ll respond
i have no opinion on politics
the laws exist
the order exists
conditional freedom
but you never could
control me or make me bitter
that’s how i am
i dedicate to you with love and honesty
everything i am
never wait for me
to fall at your feet
but here is my hand
i know what i am
i am less than nothing
and the day you need
i’ll be here
ready to love or fight
words less spoken 