the midnight 57

for all the life left in his bones he strains to light the cigarette the midnight train is running late he rubs his hands together the mouths to feed are growing into free thinking minds washing dishes at the Shrimp Palace doesn’t buy too many books to stave the pain of the morning news about his lung he smiles at the queens wiggling out of Club La India toward El Tauro taco truck for carnitas and debauchery the midnight train arrives and we both climb in he lets me pass and offers the old legless man his chair the man returns the smile as Valerio’s own smile strains against the hopelessness

talking to me still

there were times that as a child i’d run away into my imagination especially when the adults would fight it particularly hurt to hear my mother give up on God because she was so fed up with my father at that time i had two safe havens God and my imagination i was confused i had no leadership no plan no order later as a teen i had too many thoughts but zero beliefs i prayed but it was hollow i did it for the same reason smokers smoke out of habit i further went into my head i proved to be too much for myself as well there was too much empty space in a 90 lb body and the space in the hole of my soul was even greater i would draw lines idly at times not really connected to the sensation in my fingers one rainy morning walking to my school ditching destination i noticed three perfect snails juicy full of ooze and as i crouched to get a closer look i saw their flat gill like body making slow waves on the pavement as they carried their homes on their little gooey backs and as they millimetered toward a retainer wall with ivy and empty Schlitz bottles i noticed a silvery slick trail it was beautiful i thought but alas my hooky buddy was waiting with booze amongst other things now that i am writing down these thoughts i realize that i was shattered banged up and at times beaten but had i been broken i would not have been able to see God’s covenant of a silver lining under the three perfect snails He was talking to me still

at the Smog Cutter

and so as not to dis the etiquette of my new found tribe i too partook of the shit on a shingle entrée… Saturday night with nothing to do i strolled down two quarter blocks on Virgil Avenue and turned left to order ginger ale from the one the guys called Mama San we were all AA students but the boys chose to ditch school 5 days a week they talked about the evils of malt liquor as they drank down their rye sharing army stories of the war in Viet Nam they hazed me into conversation but all i could muster was having read about Iran/Contra in current events for my 9th grade dissertation i called Susi over and asked for the check slipping off the bar stool they executed a synchronous head turn im not a drill sergeant i thought to myself i wiped my space dry with my over stretched sleeve and the guy with a Teamster’s Cap circa 73’ offered a story about Buffalo Springfield my stoic face gave me away and two old timers said i was a kid i sat back up and ordered Red Bull on the rocks knowing it would be a battle the Rolodex of my mind spun and whirred i lightly joked about Neil Young and Crazy Horse clarifying i got their CD from Target the soldiers they all had a chuckle detonating the wrinkles of suffering ingrained on their face i rammed through their barrier with my praise of Stevie Ray Vaughn and i wrapped up my ambush with a very harrowing rendition of Fortunate Son and as the cigarette smoke lifted their silhouettes shifted to a comfortable slump and they ordered some food so the party could start

what can i say

the trance floats my feet across London Bridge where i meet the Sex Pistols for tea then i met the Dalai Lama for goat yoga and he read the Scottish Play to me i raised my head down from the clouds to capture the perfect hue of turquoise when Loololama cusped my hand to teach me Hopi geometry upon seeing the bracelets of my thoughts in such opulent colors Billie and Frida brought May West and we had a slumber party in the morning Rosa and Harriet took me to church in Aretha’s Pink Cadillac after June and Johnny sang Amazing Grace Bowie said to Lou Reed if she falls from the sky she’ll break her nose all the while Mother Teresa looked to Peter as she wildly agreed and while he did not stomp his feet Archangel Michael was ordered to fly me down and he dropped me off between Normandie and Western

i think im Hamlet tonight

pain at sunrise can cost a slight loss of mind. angry and melancholy like the crazy Hamlet. i think of actions and confusion of morality. i’m a villain to myself. i am fearful that God has gone by me super-fast, like when it’s too late to move your car when the parking ticket lady is writing the ticket. solitude and desperation of heart and soul can make one see things in a past that one never had and the reality of the future 5, 10, 30 minutes is too frightening. time grows stale at dawn. Griffith Observatory is oh so far away but down the street from where i live. the young folks are out being hip and smart in the world. i wonder if when they are as old as i am will they inherit my thoughts as they breathe my CO2 as they are doing now. i fear for us i fear for me for i am much more of a coward than they. they are still blissful in their youth and i am subjected by my wisdom of what is to come at dusk. time grows short and it comes in spurts, like my bloody noses and stories and such. maybe God will come my way again like the bus on the stop that forks in the road at sunset.

the price of peanut butter

of course i remember the old Safeway, Hank. in closing my eyes i can see the Mahatma Rice Genie on the little rice bags and Jiffy cost less than a dollar. i was not taller than a yard stick, yet i knew my lime green pastel knit dresses were an infamy. Hank, i recall the prime parties on Berendo street, the last of the beehive hairdo elegant women in turquoise bell-bottoms, i a barefooted brat. and on alternate Saturdays the biker parties in the Silver Lake Hills. the Harleys looked like stallions. in the middle of the week, i can’t remember where i’d sleep, but AC/DC dueled with Tom Jones in my dreams. now, Hank, we have non-GMO juice stands and designer coffee drinks. i’m about a yard stick and a quarter tall now and i dress in black. i still enjoy Tom and Brian, but Nirvana and Cornell own my heart. i finally read the Torah too. but the fears, doubts, agonies and uncertainties are still within my universe. Safeway is now Vons. House of Pies is still there too, i feed on their Western Spaghetti. i’m going at it in a round-about way. Volkswagons’ and Mustangs aren’t what they used to be, but they’ve cut down on bad emissions. Hank, you wouldn’t believe, there’s almond, cashew, sunflower, pistachio and Brazil Nut butter. i don’t talk much, i type on the phone, even on dates, sitting right across the table from them all. i suppose i’ll never see a good bra burning anymore, i giggled at it as a child. but, they have apps for that now. i never really fit in any particular time in LA. from 8 tracks to Alexa and frozen peas to organic produce delivery. i don’t know, Hank. peanut butter today is quite expensive.

paradox

the machine was old and mean pulled back handle bars American Flag distressed were the rides up and down Ventura Boulevard and into the deepness of Sun Valley party time AC/DC now and forever rowdy wives with livers made of steel mechanical ponies the moving parts yelling at the sky laughing liberty cries the dream was fought for no agent here orange or otherwise free baby be free we are your family and bandanas back then hid no bullets implicities and explicities were fought with fist of bone and skin love hard brains last intuition in the middle we are all brothers here vested leather and denim soldiers rock and roll gods women of the temple riding smoking to the ground while the sons of no fortune rode into the sunset of my eyes and your loving arm wrapped around my 3 year old shoulder praying for me

Zimmy’s Head

in dreams i can see inside of Zimmy’s head if i wipe my third eye i can hear the wind blowing in the waterfall if i stand on one leg i can tell how many eons the mountain will take to swim in the ocean in my delirium he asks me “well what did you see green-eyed one?” on my back i groaned the tiny crabs rise from their crevices i tremble as their tiny feet tinkle in the sand wiping my eyes with the tears of Mary i am overcome by the opening of the cave as if the Hand did unseal the jar to anoint me with freedom