water cold serene
then the holy light appears
rebirth i am pure
dating app
the evening dewy with tired city rain
bustling streets hurried people
with other people in their lives
to call their own
to be me my only desire was to be
held by strong warm arms
will you be my protector
watching patrons coming in and out
sipping my sharp pop rock ginger ale
i wondered about nineteen thirty seven
thoughts broken for a second naked man
runs into traffic but he’s o.k.
my eyes sleepy mosey on downward
bei mir bist du schoen
serenade the Andrews Sisters while
women named Hazel with a hyacinth scent
sip their gin rickeys wiping their lipstick off the glass
in the saloon there are men reading the LA Times
yet others share lively union talk
then the sapphire eyed mysterious stranger
raven jet hair and a dead maus t shirt
taps me on my gothic shoulder Mary Pickford’s
angels wink at me as they slid off my left shoulder
as he sits down elegant right index finger half raised
signaling the hyperactive bar keep
from the antique flowered gold foil wall paper
Ingrid and Bogey nod at me
and i whisper at old sapphire in a sultry sigh
here’s looking at you kid
la cita
es muy temprano
son las cuatro
de la mañana
y las sombras
que caen afuera
hablan cosas de
mi vida y
no puedo respirar
me dicen que
usted dr. azul
es cardiólogo superior
y que me puede
diagnosticar y dar un beso
en las estrellas marinas
y que todo mi sufrimiento
se ahoga en el olvido
de las sirenas vestidas
en oro y plata
doctor cardiólogo
yo hago muchas preguntas
usted no sería el primero
en decir no puedo contestar
lo que necesita saber mujer
en unas horas estaré completamente
azul y gris con pena y el corazón
se desangra porque ya no puede mas
en su opinión cual es mi prognosis
señor doctor del corazón
lo tengo ya muy quebrado
hare mis planes finales
le acepto su beso
y buscare que los ángeles
negros me vengan a llevar
o encontro
é muito cedo
são às quatro
da manhã
e as sombras
que caem do lado de fora
eles falam sobre
minha vida e
não posso respirar
eles me dizem isso
você dr. azul
ele é um cardiologista superior
e o que você pode
diagnosticar e beijar
nas estrelas do mar
e que todo o meu sofrimento
afoga-se no esquecimento
das sereias vestidas
em ouro e prata
médico cardiologista
Eu faço muitas perguntas
você não seria o primeiro
em dizer que não posso responder
o que você precisa conhecer mulher
Dentro de algumas horas estarei completamente
azul e cinza com dor e coração
ele sangra porque ele não aguenta mais
na sua opinião qual é o meu prognóstico
senhor médico do coração
Eu já o tenho quebrado
Vou fazer meus planos finais
Eu aceito seu beijo
e vou procurar anjos
negros vêm para me levar
the appointment
it’s very early
it’s four o’clock
in the morning
and the shadows
that fall outside
they talk about
my life and
i can’t breathe
they tell me that
you dr. blue
are a superior cardiologist
and that you can
diagnose and kiss it away
in the stars by the sea
all of my suffering
drowns in oblivion
witnessed by mermaids dressed
in gold and silver
cardiologist doctor sir
i ask many questions
you would not be the first
in saying i can’t answer
what you need to know woman
in a few hours i will be completely
blue and gray with grief and a heart
that bleeds because it can’t take it anymore
in your opinion what is my prognosis
mr. heart doctor
it’s already broken
i will make my final plans
i’ll accept your kiss
and i will wait for the black angels
who come to take me
from west to east
unleash the ancient bones from the sewer sarcophagus what tribe did they come from and is there crude running through the cavities for we need another Dunkin Donuts on this corner for L Ron’s sake can you please scroll faster my children tasted human contact and i don’t have the time send the nanny to my third grader’s botox session i have roast goat yoga what is it the Bhagavad Gita is that the new shoe store at the center can you believe in something the tires of incongruence are filled with the holy toxins crossing the bloodlines of the time while religiously binge ignoring what’s around the glamour shots bus bench adverts warning homelessness is deadly unclear who they speak of and all the while for 17 just 17 i dream of Mulholland Drive on a two wheeled Pegasus can you hear me Jean Michel tell Andy that i love him the side swiper in the ‘vette looking for the boys long in the teeth the industry landlady needs new meat the volcanoes goofed on mick don’t feel duckie if he fails to bring them mini daisies to their oxy chambers pharaohs in their visions but down in the river racing cars on stolen clouds and i have a hardy laugh spray cans looming large can i paint the past pantheons of our minds yes i believe i can drop dropper dropped watch the hands watch the hands don’t look directly in the mirror while you’re under a spell quite the riveter you are i am the walkman helmet Rotten Johnny and Afrika Bambaataa with the Kiedis house band weaving eckankar in my drums while we carve our knees into the side pavements i didn’t know we couldn’t fly nothing takes out the stains of blood
pour toi, Charlie
the cattails sway slow
resin sun settles down deep
she has blazed all day
moon in silver comes
knocking at my back window
dig his Elvis suit
then E Piaf croons
tears brim in my tired eyes
never did i miss
you so much as i
do now even with all of
our misunderstood
way of saying words
to drive each other away
fearing that our hearts
would be ripped apart
by anemic attempts to
share a normal life
you the older one
did not necessarily
know best i was young
i did not know that
fucking my way through real love
in time would never
heal our broken parts
still not all was a failure
truth and wine reveal
little generational differences
laughing a little in the dream i had a roasted turnip with paprika for breakfast maybe that’s it it’s noon on Alpha Omega how does that work for you there is loneliness in her jeer but she keeps at me i’m not beautiful like a spring breeze i’m not delicate like a feather i cannot be a ballerina with two stone feet i am nothing and i cannot write pretty words like the zenith is your eyes i write rusted words like hurt me with your tongue knife and my ideas weigh like mercury on mars but she the Venus does not mind when i do her bidding our way of seeing life is very different i smitten with the downtown proletariat she with uptown well to do’s i can’t believe you are my daughter i know i say that i agree with you it’s too late momma i’m half way gone it’s best this way no hard feelins’ right i know punctuation and the grammar rules real fine but my lips shoot out the poisons thought of in my heart perhaps if reincarnation does abide the cosmic rules she’s supposed to follow i will come back as a super model just for you but now you’re gone and i see you in the clouds above in periwinkle linen and jewels the color of God’s eyes i heard you mother all of our unhappy life together and while on earth your words did bite me i also learned to use their teeth to cut my noose i ran away and did it my way it nearly killed me too but rest assured that in your way as a mother that you were your raising helped me through
teufelshund
time has passed by here
i pan the room i see my books
my drawings and the vibrant colors
the outfits different styles
yet mostly all black
the sleeves must remain long
security blanket still after all these years
the incense stretches smoldering in the potted plant
in Garudasana pose Cedar wood and salt
invasive thoughts seep through the fragile lucidity
of this quiet uneasiness the price i’ve had to pay
i shut my eyes i don’t trust closing them yet
at times boot camp trainings thrice removed
refuse to be shrugged off
i look in the mirror morning and night
brush the teeth etc. etc.
but today i’m feeling brave on an anniversary
of yore the battle of Werdin Place
and i see me in the mirror
piece by piece like a color by number pic
as the nights pass by hand in hand
i’m smitten with and embrace more
the medal shaped sCARs they gave me
of warrior heart i fought and fought
and that’s all that really matters
happy
sometimes in the middle of the night
i take the train from one part of town
and then back to the other side
i can’t sleep so i face my curiosity
tipping into the cleavage of the city
and her girlfriend moon
outside of the rolling cab my eyes
they register that it’s dirty
i swear i can see the car exhaust
black sooty pungent belching vulgarity
in the lungs of LA
behold the automotive crack pipe
then my attention flutters to the men
velvet skin plastic smiles and silver tongues
selling me a piece of Jesus and His hotrod
Hollywood Boulevard how much to eat me tonight
i burrow my alien feelings into the tunnels
and the cocky rail rides me to the platform
where humanity scrambles at the truth
of how small we must be to the Bitchgoddess
of everything all poets in history
have lamented about
to chase and purr on the formidable
lies that we are fed
only to show who kindness i wonder
i’m too old and out of time
to place gender or definition on my pleasures
the time to gamble with the rules and regulations
is quickly ending
at dawn pink and gray
with the smell of the city and
her beautifully cruel courtesans
on my hands and lips
i stagger up 7th street
and bum a cigarette from the Meals on Wheels guy
chat up Bang Me Billy and ask about his truck
we stroll to the rich folk Starbucks
he waltzes me up to the lines
we both feel very alive again
and smile at the young savvy people
when they turn up their nose
dying between closing arguments
luck
smitten
with few steps
happy with the
choices i have made they belong to me
unpopular turns delinquent alike
options were mine
judgmental
endings
are
just
that my
conviction
is steady all
ready to go come the wave of infernal
positioned to strike with white hot venom
for mercy and
dripping with
bloody
hand
advice i’d give me if i was my mother
go ahead eat the three cup cakes
jay walk across the mischievous waters
buy Big Mac’s for the street kids
ask the hookers for beauty tips
church hop if the Spirit insists
wrap your thighs around whichever boy you wish
on your terms and not his
go against the family tradition
ride the Ducati instead of the Harley
crank up Led’s Black Dog as you’re lighting a fatty
stay home and read books and howl at the moon
at 3:30 past doom if that’s what makes you happy
talk about the Bard by the water cooler
turn the page when you’ve mastered your spirit
nurture your brain and balance that heart
if you punch punch with your left
but remember they got to swing at you first
if you look wicked good don’t hide it
and every compliment offered to the sisterhood
should come from the heart
don’t disrespect tit for tat the brotherhood
flash them your smile as you’re crushing that Zen
words less spoken 