you ask why do i cover it
wandering around town
a million thoughts
abstract in their reality
answers swerve but then the questions haunt
im not a fitter in the jigsaw of today right now
just a passing sorceress with a spray paint can
strayed under the bridges dirty shoes bruised features
archangel seal on finger never ringed but broken twice
but even in slumber you complain
how can anyone ever hold you
your hand anchored to your hardened chest
it’s a reflex i whisper back
shes frail
beating hushley
neath this bony tattooed hand
Abandonment
born to wander
love songs
those songs sweet piano notes the ones sung by Adele hurt the most as they remind me of what dad did to mom
those words from boisterous guys showing off on bended knee their devotion perfection and digits of currency in worship of me will someday soon turn lethal
those men with delusions of being the righteous new species from Adam came and it won’t change that they are internally afraid of what their daddy did to their momma
from time unknown we flow and go turning around in circles a pull a push in darkness beams and the light sometimes is not that clear
even tears give up before our heart when we slip into children playing dress up me mommy’s shoes you daddy’s boots the familiarity of violence
time does not heal no matter how much it says in the public service announcement the warning signs the stacking cans of fire water rage combustion on music notes the peaceful hoax of love everlasting
blue steel
i’m feelin’ like a blue steel gun
with my fine determined sharp lines
my edges separate the somethin’ from the nothin’
and the come-hither handlin’ parts
sleek momma eye candy deluxe
making genitalia of all denomination shape and size
feel like a super daddy fuckin’ stud
i’m feeling like a blue steel gun
caught between your palm and thumb
a dialysis rig for your bad juice blood
my nuts bolts springs and inner workin’s
the physics and reasons in me aching
of no interest to you your heart or your mind
i’m feelin’ like a blue steel gun
remember in that case where you found me
promises dowries certificated truths
stroking of the barrels looking into soot
my trigger and your raging accusin’ fingers
you offered as my wedding band
i’m feelin’ like a blue steel gun
cast out after years of deeds gone wrong
silent spitting fire of your tongue
looking out my winda’ late at night
wonderin’ why you are the way you are
we chameleons tempering our feelin’s
showcased on a devil’s iron eye
cus we’re both rusted raw on the inside
i want to rip my hair out
i’ve seen multiple coroners tents these few weeks white tiny like a fortune teller’s but there are no chances no predictions no suspicions just finality i’ve not felt myself murder being televised 5G capitalized on death’s dealings my smile and gentle nature up on stage demands the talent and strength of an opera singer the gall of most world viewed presidents laying down or standing still mind woodchips all of my plans palms to the sky warm sun light reminds me that there is a God i’ve seen the death of my father dressed in blue he brought down by what he held up all of his life i’ve seen the death of my mother and the sting of unfamiliarity that divided us i alien child no umbilical cord on my feet walking slightly off smell of medicinal debauchery from last night peppers the air snippets sensationalized wishing shards of words empty whirling eddies of promise obscure delicacy is what i want when i want to be alone middle age was always middle age at any point in time imbibed in the yolks of many situations took on the foil as well as the queen as well as the beggar as well as a fiend feeding rats in the alley in the middle of the day with words that mean nothing but carry weight just the same i’ve seen too many coroners tents bottom line no one gives a fuck is the appropriate cause of death on the only certificate some of us will get privilege tells me to take some time trim my cherry tree smell the air inventory what i have and be grateful count the finches outside fighting on the bush that has a doctor and expensive fertilizer i want to tear my hair out at times rage knock over bureaucratic tables like Christ in Jerusalem
the birds would sound
Baker Beach fog cold wet knees
sand deep cut wrists
knuckles bleed
cold sea wind seeps
into the cracks of the spirit
was around the time
we broke our peace
seagulls screeched wildly
above our coal black energy
you the pulling south
i the fleeting north
umbilical cord
severed forever
Artemis took this orphan in
taught me how to hunt
other creatures
such as i
for crazy cannibalistic 32182314155 rites
and wandering in every downtown desert
dawns spent in tunnels bent
from the neck down
every now and again
the birds would sound
toasting to paired up
cooing doves
that have flown away from me
insecurity haiku
love it hurts me so
never knowing where to go
on lines of his palm

in the hollows
warm like wool blanket cream like gypsy wall boundaries with lust but never really captivated some shelter only in the head down the road of night relays morning light squinted are all eyes to cold soggy existence
dying calla lilies
quiet night traffic far away
every now and then a pup yelps
a wayward bird sings outside my bedroom tree
on book table black pressed wood
furniture of wayward youth
thrift store jar where my heart lives
a pair of dying calla lilies
representatives of shifts in life
into a phone i type feelings that should have been spoken many years ago
supple tender gentle were my hands
reaching up to the hearts of men
and discovered as i pulled back empty bleeding stumps that they had no love to give me

a moment
to just be alone
in my room
quiet
to just remember if
i have felt
loved
but just alone was
irrefutable proof that
i
had never been like
i was told
always
yet like a fool
i wept stained
silence


