for KC

cracked

brittle

wilted heart

tear stained stars

foot steps quick ahead tonight

path crumbles in the coming of the light

blown kisses of holy waifs of the past who hold the saddened skylines tiny roads turn to the west with hunger

seeking a forgiveness for the crossing into a dimension of dandelions and dragons chasing rainbows in x-ray negative a vision quest of uncertainty where the road breaks into infinity amongst baby green silent hills

in transition there are trenches carved in judgment waiting for the sentence of a higher kind for actions of wasted time

the mile is longer than the wings of messengers as my legs tremble

road of life cobbled in touchstones signaling slowly

daring us to move on

alone all together

once more

whole

Sunday morning chores

slim cigarettes crystal ashtray on each table champagne flutes and martinis silk cocktail dresses t.v. sets Doris Day silky red bob fiery temper purse emptied pill bottles prescriptions on their way Monk and Gainsbourg converse like angels laughter is refined ladies don’t drink beer ladies sip on wine day in and night out four in the morning the child translates orders tiny soldier scrape the fields looking for a mother giving birth to self carpet facials the caresses turn blue and black little mommy takes good care pumpernickel toast French butter pats left on the bedside melting in the afternoon sun

alternative ending

a wishing well

the red door smokey

music of any generation blares

curtains coil in the caress of night

the sunken eyes cheeks moist with the dew

truth you are a liar gospel im lying to myelf

regrets im sure the devil had some scorn ive had my share

smoke puff he loves me ash flick he loves me not

clinking glasses last call some hearts stutter

can i bum a cigarette another asks halo moon

bamboo jade blackflag germs window mirror

fleeting time biting nails taxi drive

the way of good intention blocked

to the tunnel one more time

flick flick flick shoot

i guess i love me not

tiny dust bowl doll

in the pink i cant remember

fingers tinker on the boards

found objects on the floors

colors colors on your doors

in the pink i cant remember

chambers darker than one soul

running running out a door

pick me up and throw me down

the problem is my answer

prayers broken words of thoughts

the spider web whispers crawl

away i am so wounded

i create resistance by

demanding my compliance

in the pink i cant remember

all of my innocence

in the pink i cant remember

the shapes the songs the air

floating through in

Cadillacs

Yellow submarines and

Superman

in the pink i cant remember

voices ghosts and anamnesis

amongst the dying trees

of winters past

in the pink i cant remember

east Psalm

beloved Father
all i’ve known
and You are still
and shut to me

the west claims
me through my
sickened blood and
terms so foreign

i long for You
to open wide and
take me from
this abstract place

so autumn now is
here again and those
who’ve gone i can’t
replace; they were never here

Father of the east
call to me and claim
me as i am with
sullied heart

the broken bones
of battles lost
and smiles tainted
with grief

oh Holy One
in lone direction
let the Kingdom
come at last to me

h2o

in the drop my thought swirls about smaller than a worms breath the wetness of the dew in the spires of hell my brow sweats to know what’s coming knocking at the door tidal wave of destiny doomed to clear in agony all debt i’ve left behind in the oceans of mars where the fog of disbelief punishes the chiefs of the snowy altitudes dharma electricity pulses on the Nile and the Ganges will build factories in the tsunami states

the wind at 6 a.m.

i guess now i have to haul

ass on my own. my dog, my tree,

my home, my life. all put away,

in the chambers of my heart.

damn it woman. how can it go on?

i chase your scent, the ring in your

sound. the laugh in the rain, the pound

in your heart. and there i stand.

though broken i am not. i never said anything

to this thought. but you who made me whole,

when i said i could no more. you made me move.

in a direction in front of me.

the wind walks on rice paper. no trail of

you i see. footsteps in the river of

forgiveness washing me free, today and forever.

this is what you left for me.

as i sit alone in this bed of

my own humanity. i feel your touch of love

and there is a 6 a.m. in every hour. you are

in the sun, the moon, the stars, the fog.

you are in the laughter of my

sons and the tenderness of my daughters.

your steel of spirit in the doves on

city cables. in the potted sage.

put me in my proper place,

when you receive me in His kingdom.

until then coffee and cigs;

6 a.m. in life unrepentant.

-to Jane and Hank-

the pebble

i keep the pebble in the hand
as a testament
to the revolt of feelings.
mere electrical currents
in the brain.

sometimes the pebble is placed down.
its weight can crush if the
heart is flighty with thoughts
and fancies void of substance.

as the pebble is looked at, it stares
back. forever with no smile
or frown or indication
other than it is a creation
of God.

borrowed from the universe
the pebble does not need me
as much as i need it.

Alpha and Omega

my lover is fast

manipulative

expensive

mean-

but when my lover is in my bed

my lover has an addicting sweetness

filling the worm holes in my soul

with the light of the stars

under God’s feet

my lover curls my toes with delight

my lover licks and suckles universes

in and out of my body and mind

i never knew existed

my lover’s almost vapory fingers

massage me

penetrate me

in luscious blinding ecstasy

swirling my very breath

in orgasmic space travel

past the Nebulae

that are yet to come

i simply believed

that i loved my lover more than anything, ever

that the continents could fall below me

that Satan himself could drag me

into the molten pits of Hell by my guts

i didn’t care as long as my lover was there with me

on my arm

or at least have my lover close enough

where i could sniff their tarty scent

they got under my skin

i lost control of myself

i lost the life

that i would like to have gotten accustomed to-

and i almost lost my soul, forever