there you are ever so elusive little girl in marching boots eyes full of emotions jaded and dry your face long hair going it’s own way and your lips couching words hardly ever spoken what happened to you can you tell me anything or do you assume i already know the pillow the dark room the old narrow bed sheets scratching and pricking like thorns and when it was over the negative processed in the infinite dark rooms of our mind days became stages of distortion where actors die to live but you exit right all the time the night’s cusp on your worried face the wider you smile the deeper the pain snapshot smile snapshot cry snapshot deny
Anxiety
hesitant
it doesn’t seem so long ago
that i smoked some cloves
was listening to the Pogues
and drifted into some world war
that i’ve only seen in film
over at Grauman’s Chinese theater
my blues are turning black
and though i opted out of methadone
it never meant that i was strong
will i ever say farewell and laser off the scars
of the circumstances of our battles
at two i’m getting up to pee
the midnight birds are wrapping up
the roosters will shortly crow their song
across the street with the old Japanese couple
i like to think that yesterday’s gash was really a fluke
but the book teaches that we must be quite honest
not being responsible enough to make a decision
i straighten out the linen closet instead
until the sun washes away my pain with her golden arms of fire
foot note
it’s a dirty trick the world is round and the road will take me nowhere go far away they say as they laugh in my face knowing that i will spiral on forever did You make it so that i couldn’t climb up to heaven certainly in my dream i can fly anywhere it is when my eyes are open that the gutter stinks my red nose upon it the bottles are brown and plenty the snakes jitterbug sitting on the throne of bygones but only in classification how can anything You created be bad free will maybe You shouldn’t love us so it will cost 100 trillion to be green and where will my seed grow thus we pluck each other’s eyes out i don’t want to think anymore or see anymore the beauty is of strange moon beams cats fiddles drug induced riddles Darwin you fucked up revolution on all that was gained the righteous claim their stain on the goodness of the worker
room 5307
time marches like ants in a row
seconds stop to greet each other
disrupting the flow
blood swims in the veins
circulating with the aide
of medical hope all know is
just hollow
thoughts flicker in and out
off and on about all the things
universal in continuums of time
there are scratch marks
on the legs where the itch
laughs with determination
caverns in the deepness of the mind
thoughts some bland and some strong
demons torture with hallucinations
of what the heart despises more
the noise they make
those tendrils as they wrap
their wicked fingers round
the mind unquiet with grief
greatwestern
the hospitals are the same all over i now believe except for the revolving doors everywhere and the river beautiful pigeons and other birds look like they were spit shined and then the river crossed on planks made of steal with tug boat Cadillacs full of salty earth the buildings tall old bones new skin i grin at the sun rays coming at me hard but the old grandfather wind swoops me from the light and in three hours it gets dark and i walk around the park and back to the clinical round of someone who knows nothing of anything beyond the cereal box patients waiting all the time looking tired worn out sucked down pulled up by the soul and sick of heart like the ladies looking out from the Amsterdam house mine eyes search for invisibility and the wolves follow me with teeth and i a fox in sheep’s skin look the other way i don’t want idolatry tonight the French baguette is hard and stale but i get it anyway i want to feel other than myself the urges come like thunder but then all of a sudden it dawns on me that i’m in Illinois and that Abe was a member of the Whig Party tears are salty anywhere we go and why in the fuck isn’t Pluto a planet
words less spoken 