basura

you touched me softly
you held me to your bosom
you looked at me with the softness of a dying fawn
you whispered to me on dark nights with rainy windows
you buried your sweet face so innocently in mine when the howling winds drew near too close to your safety valve
you grew
you matured
your mind expanded
you took the bite of all forbidden
you wandered into the deserts full of twinkling lights
you wore the silks and the satins you heard the music play on mountains
like all good souls
you outgrew what we had
you had to leave and i understand that
although i wait i know you’ll never come
the sun rises and sets
i am here in judgment and in torment
i always knew in the end we were just a moment

mbrazfield (c) 2020

when will will learn

it has been there since David’s death truth mercifully laid out

just and only human not chosen by anyone

born of lust that’s it nothing more than that

you’re lying to yourself aren’t you tired

no ornament jewel pedigree or endorsement can change that

if anything extraordinarily unimportant is what you are

get it through your head the fact is not out there it’s in front of your face

smile why don’t you talk in pretty words give the bestest blow jobs to him to him you are just a convenient commodity

with willing open legs spare me those perfectly rolled tears as you hope that someday he’ll take your hand instead

dull minded old girl your will is not your own buck up

it starts with one step then two and so forth out from the world into your house where your will waits for you to open your heart

and for once let it swallow you whole

it’s cool old dude

were both off you know

drunk wild seed spreader

we met in combat always

we tried i still remember the porky pigs and bugs bunnies your fellow inmates drew when you sent letters from jail

twisted twisted twisted we became one old soul one fallen angel

it’s late now you a legend i’ll leave it there

it’s ok i’ve found others to take your place then they betrayed me too

ha! trust you say i have none not even for me

i needed a daddy maybe in another life i was something wicked and i deserved you or maybe it was the other way around

you hurt me a hurt so so deep that i don’t know how to let God in

but it’s ok i can walk talk think and take a bath i can breath laugh and when they least expect it maybe even love a little

i really needed you father when i went ape shit and almost took my life ok ok a few times

just like mom always the corrector

you tried and thanks for letting me be your father

if i was a guy i wouldn’t be a good husband but i love kids so maybe i’ve been my own dad at my age i’m still confused my time line shattered

it’s ok we did what we could i can drive monster trucks shoot guns and know basic boxing moves

thanks daddy that makes me cool

i’ve got to go now we hurt each other

your legacy was tough to carry and since then i have tweaked it a bit

maybe today i will be my own mirror

to miss

my ears have heard

words and utterances

some warm some cold sharp void of life

i fill a dropper full of lies and squeeze them in my eyes

but they roll out eventually

the heart can’t be made a fool even if it’s mine

i haunt the streets and alley ways i pick at crates and smoke away the vision of a miserable creature

whose love just ran away and left her with no direction

in my nightmare the flying carpets are ubiquitous and free

the torment starts when you stop by to tell me about my sorrows

the roses pluck at their own thorns as if they know i won’t come back tomorrow

mbrazfieldm (c) 2020