the price of peanut butter

of course i remember the old Safeway, Hank. in closing my eyes i can see the Mahatma Rice Genie on the little rice bags and Jiffy cost less than a dollar. i was not taller than a yard stick, yet i knew my lime green pastel knit dresses were an infamy. Hank, i recall the prime parties on Berendo street, the last of the beehive hairdo elegant women in turquoise bell-bottoms, i a barefooted brat. and on alternate Saturdays the biker parties in the Silver Lake Hills. the Harleys looked like stallions. in the middle of the week, i can’t remember where i’d sleep, but AC/DC dueled with Tom Jones in my dreams. now, Hank, we have non-GMO juice stands and designer coffee drinks. i’m about a yard stick and a quarter tall now and i dress in black. i still enjoy Tom and Brian, but Nirvana and Cornell own my heart. i finally read the Torah too. but the fears, doubts, agonies and uncertainties are still within my universe. Safeway is now Vons. House of Pies is still there too, i feed on their Western Spaghetti. i’m going at it in a round-about way. Volkswagons’ and Mustangs aren’t what they used to be, but they’ve cut down on bad emissions. Hank, you wouldn’t believe, there’s almond, cashew, sunflower, pistachio and Brazil Nut butter. i don’t talk much, i type on the phone, even on dates, sitting right across the table from them all. i suppose i’ll never see a good bra burning anymore, i giggled at it as a child. but, they have apps for that now. i never really fit in any particular time in LA. from 8 tracks to Alexa and frozen peas to organic produce delivery. i don’t know, Hank. peanut butter today is quite expensive.

tufts

trees blink allowing the weepy sun to pock the ground round the valley the hares brown and gray with little tan lizards checking out the wheels stuck in the mud walking around and away from my folks i find the skeletons of creatures grown old waiting in peace not knowing how curious i am to touch the tufts of fur left on their bleached bones the air sleeps and doesn’t caress my hair but i don’t mind being more wild than it for a change

two forests

as i followed the silver mist

i could not understand it was her voice

and the voice of the others in their

cocktail dresses

lyrically they laughed in a quasi celestial choir

while they clinked their martini glasses

she accounted the times after the war

running barefoot through Spandauer Forst

and feeling the twigs between her toes

her eyes welled up recounting her Vaters joy

flicking her red hair back in a proud swoosh

she reached for the vodka bottle

Sinatra hung above their shoulders

and nodded me into my room

little green eyes fell unto the carpet

“ja Mutti” trembled out

i woke up to the pounding of first

responders on my neighbor’s heart

on the corner of 5th and Wall

old at 8

on auxiliary thought
it doesn’t seem
as if life can get
too heavy but
my bones no longer
care to witness
the simple matter
that is before me

time is lost but like
my bones it prefers
to be in limbo and
time, she knows distance
is for my own good

apart from some golden
days and some hours
made of lead i can stand
up and smile at Pluto
my fourth grade friend

on the yard where

riddles stood for rites of passage

paradox

the machine was old and mean pulled back handle bars American Flag distressed were the rides up and down Ventura Boulevard and into the deepness of Sun Valley party time AC/DC now and forever rowdy wives with livers made of steel mechanical ponies the moving parts yelling at the sky laughing liberty cries the dream was fought for no agent here orange or otherwise free baby be free we are your family and bandanas back then hid no bullets implicities and explicities were fought with fist of bone and skin love hard brains last intuition in the middle we are all brothers here vested leather and denim soldiers rock and roll gods women of the temple riding smoking to the ground while the sons of no fortune rode into the sunset of my eyes and your loving arm wrapped around my 3 year old shoulder praying for me

Sunday morning chores

slim cigarettes crystal ashtray on each table champagne flutes and martinis silk cocktail dresses t.v. sets Doris Day silky red bob fiery temper purse emptied pill bottles prescriptions on their way Monk and Gainsbourg converse like angels laughter is refined ladies don’t drink beer ladies sip on wine day in and night out four in the morning the child translates orders tiny soldier scrape the fields looking for a mother giving birth to self carpet facials the caresses turn blue and black little mommy takes good care pumpernickel toast French butter pats left on the bedside melting in the afternoon sun

phi

fire

powder

soot blind

in city smog

machines west bound fast pace

in a slow sacrificial lane to an edge

where do my brothers stand and do my sisters still weep for 

what?

i an old child raised on Hollywood schemes TV land and reruns

nursed on bitter milk of a fork tongued script

raised by bumper sticker testament as the spirit and the law

mingles between tithes and taxes Lord and Caesar bedfellows

of the host parking meter temples DMV vaticans bus bench

prayer ritual before dawn

re-issue of pedigree from the DSMV bible while marked on the

tender restless soul with the selective serotonin reuptake

inhibitor sigil       

where do my sisters run and do my brothers still see what  

for?

runway to the sunset where the wind rests

wings are made of gold

thoughts fly away

flicking grace

silent

ratios