
eating my words [iv]


pain
you hang
there like a
hidden stain just underneath
the fragile layer of a
strained mind tormented by you so
help me God if i forget the
alchemical pacifier to keep you satisfied when will
you let me be at times i feel the
joy of any human soul and other times i muster
that stiff upper lip and paddle up the stream with my
own arms on a rice paper raft tied with uncertainty a compass
with no dial and as i look into the arms of setting stars
i drink a breath of victory and pound my chest in good measure but
when my feet sink through the mirage of fortitude of the tenuous craft i see
you flailing back at me and treasure found in my chest of peace engulfed by oppression
sweet fleshy skin warm
kiss like nothing else
your orange creamy tart taste will into honey turn if we lay in the sun together
the smell of green emanates from you within calling me to pull the knife
i strip you down to your ripe round middle and gently nibble and suck you down
and when the time is right i stroke you down as i’m reminded of his long missed circumcision
and our tropical walks through Walmart aisles shopping for the Fourth of July
my mechanical
pencil lost somewhere in a
box of dead letters

i am here on Hope street in a liquor store its open because its essential outside is a sickness it’s been here all of my life remember when i was young and fearless and unattached now i’ve fallen in love with life and have everything to lose my priorities have changed so bloody much i ran myself into the ground now i’m dying to break free dear postcard with the ultra blue ocean pearly shore electric green palm trees and skinny bikini girl with exaggerated tits remember when i was young and my freedom was a tether to a wild wild road now reluctantly i am here masked ten miles from my home gloved lying to the cashier about needing sanitizer and candy bars fiji water and a box of cheap cigars for my diabetic neighbor the sickness deep in my blood hypnotically stares at the bottles in the case here at the crossroads again postcard i write on you a note for help living one day at a time has become a slippery hell
nobody has sung me to sleep
i think as the green chile frozen burrito thaws in the 7-11 microwave ring
while the four minutes buzz by i stand in a line to pour French coffee in a 99 cent styrofoam cup emblazoned green and orange
7 sugar cubes black steam rising like a genie woodsy cinnamon that melds with the patchouli on my skin
the oven dings me to attention
the burgundy corn rowed attendant girl smacks gum like cud while stirring safety orange colored cheese ooze in the sweaty container her name tag reads Patricia
across Broadway is the farmers market Feng Shuied on 4th over here honey the flowers over there by the old bank bookstore apples and grapes by the old merchants den
i think i’ll get some lilly blossoms
my brain begins to hum something by the Smith’s outloud
there is a millstone round my neck today
the pavement wet with northern rain and i like it’s sepia tinge
the thud sound of pea green goop hitting the ground alerts me
burrito down i wrap what’s left for dinner on Tuesday
the coffee lasts for as long as it takes me to cross the empty street
i slip on my mask one loop at a time behind my hair and ears
somebody’s hipster husband smiles at me
in a way the Crystal Healer wife might not have liked unless they both are swingers
the blue tooth hums blink three consecutive times and AC/DC attacks me
the final riff flows through my rickety bones and for the next selection i settle on Tchaikovsky
the songs that birds sing sweet and piercing in my heart
lay me to rest in some other part
of Your universe so dark
where the songs that birds sing
sweet and piercing like Your voice
lay me to rest in Your universe
with those songs that birds sing
i too will be free soul pure
sweet and piercing songbird
resting in Your universe at last

when my mind was little
the skyscrapers were tall
God was big too
the streets were filled
with faces strong that walked alone in my drowning dreams
the functions of my body not under my control
and when the body seasoned into what men had sought
it was as if a flock of doves had scattered from my soul
the moon was maiden too long before my birth and then was trampled on her light fallen from its grace
but today i read about a boy and trees his looking for the life that did live underneath
the soil of creation and where someday i will be
looking at the captivating blue glass crystal skies waiting for His words
🌠thanks to my friend Stephen @ https://fullbeardlit.org/2020/04/08/along-this-path-a-five-oclock-poem-by-stephen-fuller-with-audio for inspiring this offering
unlike swans she said
no gracefulness in the step
should i drink from jars