words sacred
the world
commits fratricide
for and
over you
since the
Breath released
the first
prokaryote upon
Tierra’s face
to serve
as a
guide and
as a
fate to
one and
all souls
you and
i are
one in
kind my
dearest treasure
Spirituality
rsvp
hi
Rabbi
i’m that girl
this Eden is
very beautiful
i’ve crawled on my belly
since the time of the Pharaohs
and i’m feeling deeply tired
today i make the case that gifting
me free will does not compare to heaven
when i close my eyes the cries of Mary
still echo in my ears while Martha’s
brother slumbers wrapped in linens
and the taste of chocolate
melting joy on my tongue
careless angels send
Your blessed signs
however
i am
done
surrender
willingly i sink in your hands im tired peace flood over me
the meaning of us
slow frail time nears us
old i as you are parting
new i takes over
peregrine
desert you look very pretty in your tender green veil
it’s been a while since i was here visiting you
inner struggle and rebirth brought me to your boulder bosom
i see my brothers the Joshua Trees have gotten taller
therefore waving more lost children toward your safety dear friend
oh and the hares and wood peckers they still look
me over with caution and pity they sense my spirit
is still shackled in some ways but they are right
i’m just a human mother Joshua but how are you
i’ve brought you great news there will be rain later
this evening that rock you say yes that will be
good shelter the tiny lizard queen is a great hostess
the breath of your slate tinged skies is beginning to
smell like wet earth just like my grandmother’s hair when
as a babe i’d grab fistfuls and put it in
my mouth yet i don’t know how i can remember
her we were both too young when she had to
go up to the silver stars above my head oh
mother Joshua did you tell Oma to come and visit
there you see she’s the one next to Venus smiling
at me hey little ants get off my cake here
i’ll place it by your hill take it to your
queen my regards to her and now my eyes focus
to see the splendor of the ocotillo fire red blossoms
held up to the peacock sky and i breathe deeply
terminal lucidity
she lays down often
now that summer is hotter
her dewy jade eyes
are fading faster
into a darkness behold
Mother’s heart beats less
her skin now scented
of decay and loneliness
she saw her future
dear Hester
dear Hester i have to go keeping you has cost me a fortune worked my body down to bones selling my soul for you for one faint kiss and giving the devil iou’s was no good
i finally admit that your fingers and aura gently crept into my blood brook driving me to unfathomable pleasure only known by kings but when i couldn’t feed you more and more and more your anger at me was like a riptide
dear Hester you thrusted and thrashed my body against the anguish i caused others because i was a slave to you when you read this letter i will be rolling in it the unholy pain of heart break for having to let you go
fever itch spasm vomit crying out for air
as i sink into the black hole of my own doing because i thought you loved me
Hester i have to Hester don’t you understand don’t cry Hester you have offered me comfort and euphoric happiness when the world turned its back on me you never lied to me and you even let the nay sayers preach at me and how you were a no good harlot beast
but in exchange for your mirage like generosity i turned over my freedom to you i have a sickness Hester i have to keep running there’s a demon stronger than us Hester i have to leave
the time has come for emancipation from us three
my dear Hester
das lebewohl
strikethrough
laced
sharp
clove smoke
in alley i
got what i came for
a ticket to peek inside God’s ear near
the heavens past the Milky Way from up there the world was beautiful
at the American Hotel full of sweaty nooks and crannies where the music was wild in its ferociousness and once infected
the brain floated amongst the red aura of the room while the riffs and the booms and the twangs and the truths were part of a generation dying to speak its aching lonely soul
from the cave with symbols and art from masters of no particular renown prophesies of the pioneers of future trillion sized debts and whose progeny would be prisoners within bars made of algorithms instead i was a rule breaker kid channeling Cassady before she knew how to write trickster of the night wild child who’d
never had to fight with an authoritative parent on account they were already at some of their own soirees as a little tax deduction i quickly learned that a woman’s place was not really where she had to stay and i followed suit because it was the only way my rebellious nature would be soothed and that’s how the old vagabonds took me to see the Clash when i was ten the coolest 6th grader ever summers in Bakersfield sandy hair wild like baby snakes shielded by the big
bad momma cobras picking grapes hearing the night thunder of God and machine never wondering what would happen to me at least not in the day time Al’s bar i miss your soul so many times i bled polka dotting your floors lost my mind but the angels of the green couches were there to call the taxi but no one knew the address rock and roll deep in thought colors floated steadily for me forming live connections to the guys that God called Us do pigeons count as doves i loved the one with stripped wings white neck and red beak hind and fore sight blended in my head pounding breaths waking up in the middle of the deck only to see the headlines im still here Hillel wild crazy as fuck child incomprehensible girl took the diagnostical sentence because you didn’t understand
Doña Margarita
now as i look in the mirror i see the scar on my neck where his ring ripped my skin off and wrinkles from all of the times i smiled before and after the event during that moment i fought back with everything i had i too was Jacob Israel in my bathroom looking down as my fingers blindly feel for eyeliner i think of Doña Margarita standing four feet tall outside of Our Lady Queen of Angels Church where i had gone that night looking for watermelon agua fresca i was thirsty for normal human contact she cajoled me about buying one of her amulets a little brown felt square with a saint on it or was it Michael i don’t recall anymore i smiled and shook my head no and as i walked away my mind was already boarding cloud nine but she followed me and said llevatelo es gratis i took her offering as her eyes turned stony with warning a few blocks away deranged in the annals of fifth street i lost it somewhere so into the bar i stepped had a few laughs saw a few flies guzzled a few vodkas and prepared to go up to the third floor to visit Taino another LA merchant turning the corner to go into the morgue like hotel lobby two arms wrapped around my 80 pound frame and into Werdin Alley we rolled but i swung with weak little arms i reached and i scraped faces arms noses tracers in denial that this was reality i focused on our collective flailing tattoos then ink covered my mind i woke up in County over hearing LAFD say she’s been a victim of a violent crime yet i could still feel the brown felt of Doña Margarita’s amulet in my hand it was anchoring
soy la pesadilla
nos guste o no
así soy
así naci
así me he desarrollado
salvaje en la ciudad
una mona sin fronteras
peleando con cualquiera
pero con mucho corazón
te invito a que me juzgues
sin pena
que me odies
y mi insultes
no me cambiara
y cuando los que más amaba
me entrenaron como un huracán
lo que ustedes me puedan lanzar es inútil
mis ojos son ciegos
no miro color nación tipo de sangre
no miro religión nivel de educación
ni con quien te acuestas
no miro si eres cruel ignorante narcisista
y claro para que mentir todos juzgamos
pero la diferencia entre yo y tu es que
yo proceso con mi corazón te dejo o te tomo
si tienes sed te ofrezco agua
si estas desalojado aquí está mi tierra
si tienes hambre te doy todo mi pan
si tienes frio te doy mi ropa
si estas sufriendo yo sufro contigo
si me golpeas me muero de risa
si me humillas te doy mi sonrisa
si me traicionas te extiendo mi alma
pero hermano con excepción
si quieres lastimar a un niño o al anciano
al que no puede defenderse o regresar la punada
con mi ira te vas a encontrar
no tengo opinión sobre política
las leyes existen
el orden existe
libertad condicional
pero nunca me pudiste
controlar y menos amargar
así soy yo
te dedico con amor y franqueza
todo lo que soy
a tus pies nunca me esperes
pero mi mano aquí esta
yo sé lo que soy
soy menos que nada
y el día en que necesites
aquí estaré lista para amar o luchar
eu sou o pesadelo
goste ou não
sou assim
então eu nasci
foi assim que eu desenvolvi
selvagem na cidade
um macaco sem fronteiras
lutando com qualquer um
mas com muito coração
eu convido você a me julgar
sim pena
que você me odeia
e meus insultos
eu não vou mudar
e quando ele amou o mais
eles me treinaram como um furacão
o que você pode jogar em mim é inútil
meus olhos estão cegos
eu não olho tipo nação cor de sangue
eu não olho religião nível de educação
nem com quem você dorme
eu não olho se você é um narcisista cruel ignorante
e, claro, para nós mentirmos todos nós julgamos
mas a diferença entre eu e você é que
eu procuro com meu coração eu te deixo ou te levo
se você está com sede eu te ofereço água
se você é despejado aqui é minha terra
se você está com fome eu te dou todo o meu pão
se você está com frio eu te dou minhas roupas
se você está sofrendo eu sofro com você
se você me bater eu vou morrer de rir
se você me humilhar eu te dou meu sorriso
se você me trair eu estendo minha alma
mas irmão com exceção
se você quer machucar uma criança ou os idosos
quem não pode se defender ou devolver a punada
com a minha raiva você vai encontrar
eu não tenho opinião sobre política
as leis existem
a ordem existe
liberdade condicional
mas você nunca conseguiu
controle e menos amargo
eu sou assim
eu te dedico com amor e franqueza
tudo que eu sou
nunca espere por mim a seus pés
mas minha mão aqui é
eu sei o que sou
eu sou menos que nada
e o dia que você precisa
aqui estarei
pronto para amar ou lutar
i am the nightmare
like it or not
so i was born
here i am
this is how i developed
wild in the city
a monkey without borders
fighting with anyone
but with a lot of heart
i invite you to judge me
without shame
i know that you hate me
and insults
will not change me
and when those who i loved the most
trained me like a hurricane
so what you throw at me is useless
my eyes are blind
i do not see color nation or type of blood
i do not see religion or level of education
nor with whom you sleep
i do not see if you’re cruel ignorant or narcissist
and of course we all judge
but the difference between me and you is that
i process with my heart i leave you or i take you
if you are thirsty i offer you water
if you are evicted here is my land
if you are hungry i give you my bread
if you are cold i give you my clothes
if you are suffering i suffer with you
if you hit me i’ll die of laughter
if you humiliate me i’ll give you my smile
if you betray me i’ll extend my soul to you
but brother the exception
if you want to hurt a child or the aged
who can’t defend themselves or return the punch
to my anger you’ll respond
i have no opinion on politics
the laws exist
the order exists
conditional freedom
but you never could
control me or make me bitter
that’s how i am
i dedicate to you with love and honesty
everything i am
never wait for me
to fall at your feet
but here is my hand
i know what i am
i am less than nothing
and the day you need
i’ll be here
ready to love or fight
words less spoken 