orthopraxy 261

containment is necessary if life is to be kept in the outskirts of ethical veils a true man is often deceiving to himself let the mirror lead us to the kneeling chamber pure blue get a clue im not in soft cookie scented pajamas anymore woman whore all the more follow that fellow he knows where to score and take a tissue for the blood ransacked of the floods of dignity dispelled in drought of love freedom the cosmetic side free of pungent primordial scent does not an anchor serve to preserve what we claim is precious fight snot nose kid get out if you don’t like it accident of lust and loss of mind what we want is not what we sought after hear the engines grind Chopin rings in the ear of what was innocent for only days and then the angels of carnality lead the way to where her wings allegorically to be ripped of the whipping back of martyrs run pretty momma go around shes ready gotcha little cunt face first chipped tooth kiss the feet of the Queen of Angels and the DAs assistant can scrape evidence from broken fingers after the appropriate forms have been signed

more acid than deoxyribonucleic

where did the blue birds go across the fields salty and gray the dream doesn’t end in it are old poles if you put your ear close enough you can hear the screams of time and perhaps a feather and a sliver of grace caught between the splinters in the east rusty dust rises from the Virginias i sense that my feet were black made so by the Greatness of my Sky Master but more because my great pawpaw owed his liver to the company store where can i find the mercury in my eyes shine into the night late strolling on Fairfax no sales on the Sabbath ill take the bagel extra cream cheese but can i pass on the smoked fish at the bus top where i like to sit Jimmy Kimmel on the script while me and furloughed Gabriel with the shiny twilight wings sit across the street and watch the ghouls worship the place where Tate Folger supped their last and watch the men of Sharrei Tefila pray and dance around in circles of the gates my Thai iced tea has become watery continental long necked girl all round dumb mouths talk at you about the triple X vegan doner kebob so just sit and fly watch it go by fire by night but where

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

not…alone

the pineapple stand is gone and three more tents sprouted last night she she she with two elders coughing i float above the tar but every now and again there in the crack on the corner near where the ancient fault line is grows a dandelion an astronomical seven inches tall i know he answers little girl you got a quarter you like the flower the rain gutter waters it see drip drip i see sir here is a bottle of water and a gift card to Quiznos all i can spare oh no i need money oh God bless you child anyway you too sir then the dream turns harsh cloudy i can’t get to my car and the wheelchair i’m trapped in gets hit by a truck the spine snaps i wake screaming my neck gets caught on a ring of Saturn i’ve grown accustomed to my good fortunes heart thumping i look at my hands in the dark no one’s there so i hug on tightly to the blessing in my dream

SoCS badge by Pamela, at https://achronicalofhope.com/

seventhirteen

and then the YHWH said I told

you so the vampires suck my mind clean but there is nothing that

the blue cannot repair when i get

the itch beyond repair the bones of rapture sidewalk dirty o hosanna mercy

my unto you split tongued brother me

thinks that behind all the churches Eve was framed pass the roller holy

shit i now see the world is

beautiful float float float among the brick the sign the pain the red

rider gives me a lift brother what

you say John it is i who is ugly pardon me sir i

am your mirror antiseptic dirty test don’t

beg in front of my cathedral go next door boy next door boy

next door the Buddhala idols clash with

the golden walls of mirage purpose Vegas you say i guess let’s get

away oh yes brothers yes the young

of evermore fodder for the dirty lust i must i trust i shall

be cleansed the flock will not be

taken Satan must not win but he would go play poker what you

say yes he can 7:13 ok roller

square dice baby pierce the bribes of common let the goat go to

the edge don’t let the innocent crumble

Figaro’s

he asked why do you keep her picture there in the drawer swallowing hard i realize that you were my mother more physically beautiful than any woman i’d ever seen no makeup no artificialness in any way i lied and i said oh i don’t know looking out the window at the bus stop i opened the drawer a few more times and there you remained stoic and frozen in your place as he gnawed at the steamy pepperoni pizza hot pocket and scratched his sack he yelled why don’t you put it in a frame and fear broke out in a sweat a slight vertigo took me and i rubbed my head looking for a hit he yelled again and saw what i was jonesing for he says nope not today lets go to the art store instead we dressed in American drag t-shirted leathered and jeaned he held my hand and missed my forehead kissing my aviators instead are you mad he asked i says no and think quickly about the flamingos at the zoo and the empty dark brown bottles of Kilkenny i left in the bus stop trash can two hours ago my feet feeling disconnected from my soul i says no i won’t go and he turns around to see me i can’t keep her in a frame it would be the ultimate betrayal she was Opa’s favorite until she met my Da and ran away with him imprisoned by her vanity and steadfast love for a man of misery determined to be his only queen on the backs of everybody she had to win but death did not agree what are you spewing about never mind i said i can’t keep her in a frame all her life she was held back by her thoughts expectations disappointments and aggressions even her people wandered the deserts and were rounded up in box cars as the evil ripped out their spirit and put them in cages i forgot he said but she’d like a frame she was always a refined lady as he smiled apologetically and the homeless guy with a grateful dead t-shirt on was handed a bologna sandwich by the salvation army guy as we detoured into Figaro’s Bistrot instead

take a stab at it

the way i fall in love

is complicated in its simplicity

love my insides

my outsides are just temporary

my heart and my soul is where it’s at

the warmth of a hand the kiss of a feather

the ride of comet flying through Mars

the thought of a blessing

but you can’t be a coward

if i fall into madness

the turbulence rough

the motivation sunken

in dark hole obsession

you have to sink with me

and hold on to me tight

my spirit will guide us

don’t turn off my light

of course i love diamonds

and rubies and gold

when you gift them to me

so i can feed the ailing

the old and defenseless

flowers are lovely

and i adore all their essence

but to turn me on

shower the assholes the finks

and the bastards with words of

kindness wisdom and laughter

and if i fight don’t come to my rescue

but i won’t begrudge you if you

leave me to rescue an innocent life

human or animal it doesn’t matter

and if you know MacBeth that’s even better

and you mustn’t be angry when i share

my space with Johnny and Dee Dee and Joey and Marky

one last thing you gotta be a great kisser

evermore

on the last day of Hanukkah 2001 i was hung over from too many filterless Camels and clove cigarettes the night before i couldn’t sleep and i chain smoked i made my way to the cold bland bathroom to wash up the radio was on and i danced as i walked i moved like any skinny slinky Brit androgynous heart throb it boy from the 70’s i thought and felt kinda embarrassed after my ritual i went downstairs to chew the fat with Jonathon O’Mara from the coffee shop in the Tenderloin he wasn’t home so i went for a walk the sun was hot for a San Fran morning back then i was able to ride the bus for a quarter the drivers would mistake me for a high schooler it was easy i always wore boys clothes and black chucks my gay boyfriends always gushed over me as they tried to capture my femininity i loved having gay boyfriends we’d all have fun dance etc and i didn’t have to put out and if they needed an emergency fiancé to introduce to their waspy east coast family members they’d send out the beard signal and i was there we were all excellent fucking actors but behind the good times and the jokes we all lived our lives as prisoners in very painful cells some of the folks in our circle were even handed death sentences through illness or addiction as far as i went i had to fess up to my boys that men’s clothing might keep the rapists away and that when someone had the balls to tell me i was beautiful it would hurt very badly along with a litany of other issues most of my boys would gasp and then weep because they too had been deeply hurt continually for long periods of their life but we were a rowdy bunch we had survived our way and through those unfortunate passages we realized we were all connected and that race gender orientation and any other label didn’t really define us we were very strong and wise human beings with the capacity to love hard and relentlessly  as for Jonathon and i woe upon anyone who’d mess with his sweet pea for a portion of my life i was blessed enough to know such a human capacity existed and i can move forward with this evermore

just the flu

the magic leaves sanity a sacrifice ill pay for it tomorrow you gotta get some help tidal waves before me the river banks have failed screaming angels in a rage the faces flashing in the night i look for her and i cant find her sweet warm jello fingers pushing buttons to the elevator going up can you smell the gardenias wilting beeping and the blinking of the medical equipment sent tiny shocks of stress directly to the head the only way to soothe myself after a stressful situation  was to savor the sensation of my eyes rolling to the back of my third eye it started with strained nerves and jittery eyelids tiny tear drops oozing from the corners and then the dark flowing through pin-hole relief of my private world painted with French carnival colors golds were greens reds that were milky blood pink old ship ropes and Macaque monkeys like the ones in Tangiers i remember while riding on the ambulance that late summer night

Ma Joad’s great grand daughter

mud

coolness

green cricket

calls to the soul

primordial waste

spirit shredded woven

in the skin of the leper

i’ve become night hangs loosely poor

lacking luster my lady shoes not

good enough to walk the sidewalks of the

chosen fools who speed holiness away

my gown humble with the dirt of work

hands clasped in riot darkly hid

elbows turned upright gaping

for fluids of defeat

social sunshine glares

upon my lips

without a

tragic

face

try

mighty

sinner smile

at least look to

the west of Hope street

and the pillars under

the court house of the fake lights

at the steps of public health signs

and with divine encrusted begging

bowl nee five dollar coffee paper cup

we ask again tonight and through the day

for gentle rain across my face gone

away with sorrow full with blown

out stars gazing through the soul

of infant time and sin

seeped through secret holes

in skies hazy

with sanguine

guilty

stain

sa
photo courtesy of Hélène – Willow Poetry

sibylla horrendas

i want to be the animal who takes you so high that you will explode in gold and silver ecstasy shivers down your knees to the back of your legs as i tickle your hairy lower back while i climb on your stomach let my mane suffocate you while rolling your eyes to the back of your head you can see how the Son of Man was conceived up close and personal i want to be the animal who on her slick wet skin patchouli mango scent you slip as you chase me to the stars through a roof of glitter and lightning i’ve never stood with the virgins but as a great fortune teller the secrets of the deepest crevices of the human soul can be found in the tar pits of my eye i am the animal who for 17 ethereal seconds will hold you hypnotized paralyzed and then simultaneously release you when i fly to the sky where time disappears as we turn into the nothing of everything regenerating a new crop of witnesses heirs to the embers of what that we left behind

Picture courtesy of Free Verse Revolution