Sunday with Hank

January 26, 2020January 26, 2020 / mbrazfieldm / 6 Comments

pain without reason you said i understood immediately but Hank aren’t we born into this situation

forever we seek to understand is pain the ultimate secret knowledge Hank you’re there with Buddha is that what he found

women understand but in the end we are all human what’s between our legs is incidental

i’ve stood on city sidewalks on the streets you’ve lived on and everything is the same the rat race is quiet in most places

i love watching the angels downtown we are a rainbow of gray brown and black

some in the name of ethics money and pretense call it trauma or grieving or processing events

to be beat raped tortured sodomized insulted belittled ignored and cast aside drugged whipped lied to and left to die some of us in shame and lies in the most dangerous of nuclear families

Hank you’ve been away from me remember DeLongpre i used to stay there too and how many more places we have been it’s been so very long

your thoughts and absolute surrender to the madness of our lives you painted beauty in it’s natural form although it wasn’t what they thought

hey baby since you’re up there in the clouds can you ask the Main Man for me when you aren’t too busy now

if the reason for our mortal pain is so we will seek Him out

the water

January 25, 2020January 25, 2020 / mbrazfieldm / 8 Comments

i cannot bend the water she has a linear will

looks inside my burning soul and snuffs the air from me the water will not bend as black clouds drenched in loss soak up the golden lights

the acids in the wicked hearts will never bend as well they only carve out empty space for bloody floods to fill

i cannot bend the tiny drops forming round my eyes while walking on a ground that screams for me to grind it down

industry analysts of war cell phone master fighters possessive of the scores

i won’t ever be able to bend the water the lusciously maddened by her waves we hunger for some more it’s best to surrender to her cleansing bosom and evaporate into the sandy dunes

between grain

January 23, 2020 / mbrazfieldm / 6 Comments

there where its black where the seed of my humanness lies where the perpetuation of original sin will continue through my blood line is a photograph

the lens there in is primordial foggy unclear muddied we pick up debris while traveling through the cosmos

in between grains of ink and exposure the sum of me looks for what we all don’t know what to look with

the photo is of a bright yellow God holding me in God hand such as a molecule of mercury can not be contained

and God laughs and rejoices beyond the pale of mere creature understanding the drive when my flash goes boom

how

January 22, 2020January 22, 2020 / mbrazfieldm / 2 Comments

the things that are not going anywhere in the tunnels of this life

hands tired how to explain the whys of it all

roads paved with loss hey not everything is a party take time feel her out look in eyes that have never cried for herself

what about the cramp in the gut are we starved disgusted crazy or lost

how did we get here were we tricked how in the name of freedom and doing good did i give up the bond to my soul in a most obscene way

how can i teach my brother to fish how can my brother relish what’s his if he is severely sick how can i teach my sister to fight and feel out her heart if we both have to be vetted and protected from each other

stone

January 17, 2020 / mbrazfieldm / 22 Comments

a line followed not straight feet hollowed out by the bumps of life

a beat heard faintly like a radio sign from outer space on a kids ham radio

intuition dimmed heavy without direction like broken jade frowning atop the china cabinet

a kiss blown by aging beauty queens to the princess up and coming

young girl twirling on a pole old man staring at her bones she thinks of tea sets and raggedy Ann doll he thinks of the life he once so loved who is buried six feet under

the flowers radiant pinks and red stems green and full of life across a dirty street i sooth dry skin and raise my glass to Martha

who’d a thought

January 16, 2020 / mbrazfieldm / 6 Comments

is there such a thing as joy i don’t know what does the experience feel like is it velvety like your graying pubic hairs tickling my back does it taste like your Jack Daniel’s tongue with a Winston smokey chaser down my throat i want to say it looks like your strong rough hands with tiny scars on the tops and intricate lines on the palms of your warrior hands does joy smell like your sweat fossil grease gun powder breeze and the wind of America in your hair i bet joy sounds deep and blue like when you recite beautiful lies in my ears

memorandum

January 14, 2020 / mbrazfieldm / 6 Comments

would it make life easier for you if i said outloud what i’d rather just share with you

would it make you a bigger man if i would publish all of my missteps and ineptitudes

do you deserve to know how much you mean to me the tears i’ve shed the drugs i dared to impress you

do you care about my thoughts my feelings my decrees or what i see around this word

if what you want is to fuck and bolt pretend that there was nothing wrong

if all you want is to get a title of renaissance man a golden plaque with gilded letters and pretty words

that’s not really me i’m now buried in a cold dark life locked in under the headstone you chiseled for me etched with nothing meaningful

the will nots

January 13, 2020 / mbrazfieldm / 4 Comments

this is your city filled with pigeons dogs and the likes of you children i have bred wild children of the zodiac keepers moon howlers zoo keepers of your selves

through my gutters there has never been a dainty lady that has crossed i am not bent to subscribe to what chains me daughter here are my children

waste makes haste to a life that is riddled by pain we are strong we are one but we can’t be here forever keep me i am your queen little angels in designer jeans

forever rip roaring renegade chingona silver screen teen dream exalted to the clouds of gasoline el lay dismay you will not subscribe to fantasy when i am right in front of you