eating my words [i]
Abandonment
emancipated bird
these days some short some long these nights redemption lost taken somewhere far on the beaks of three little birds
when the mind is placed in a certain situation we recall and cherish when our feet were our carriage like when we shared my only bed
and holding onto to what we had was all that we needed being devoured by the light of your energy
but all i’ll ever have are those three blackbirds you bought when you went away
demander au ciel bleu
when my mind was little
the skyscrapers were tall
God was big too
the streets were filled
with faces strong that walked alone in my drowning dreams
the functions of my body not under my control
and when the body seasoned into what men had sought
it was as if a flock of doves had scattered from my soul
the moon was maiden too long before my birth and then was trampled on her light fallen from its grace
but today i read about a boy and trees his looking for the life that did live underneath
the soil of creation and where someday i will be
looking at the captivating blue glass crystal skies waiting for His words
🌠thanks to my friend Stephen @ https://fullbeardlit.org/2020/04/08/along-this-path-a-five-oclock-poem-by-stephen-fuller-with-audio for inspiring this offering
lujuria entre muslos
look into my obsidian eye gypsy with diamonds in my hair
i am queen behold tragedy below my feet the rose bush is on fire
delicious pungent profound lust between my thighs
nocturnal the rivers that rush and smother my mound
invited you are to swim below my navel weave the carnal rhythm inside my cave
look stare won’t you into me i am night hungry for longing
it’s too late taste the honey of the poisoned combs deep in your desire you’ve trapped your soul
slowly do i come lay my mouth upon your genesis
before you know me the ashes in my lair
i seep into your body on top as mistress i am revenge is mine
while i strangle your dragon with the gripping force of my goddess beginnings
before the war there is a dewey peace betwixt our two horizons
after the deluge emanating from the center of my all
you lay out bewildered in drunk dusky oblivion
a christening awry
in the beginning was the word
as i unfold beneath my mother’s water
there i am suspended
in the middle of my death
beneath the water
where the all of my love
must now reside
beneath the water
and i heard the wind say
twixt the trees and the bush
and the word was with Him only
then my father spoke prickly and grotesque a gruesome eye opening
black doves in the dream led something in me to scream beneath that water
when that something of a passing breeze separated from the flesh of me
it said that the word was God
and i chose to fall back beneath that dark blue water
while upon my dubious rising
my arms stretched out
to the sinking of the sun
when will will learn
it has been there since David’s death truth mercifully laid out
just and only human not chosen by anyone
born of lust that’s it nothing more than that
you’re lying to yourself aren’t you tired
no ornament jewel pedigree or endorsement can change that
if anything extraordinarily unimportant is what you are
get it through your head the fact is not out there it’s in front of your face
smile why don’t you talk in pretty words give the bestest blow jobs to him to him you are just a convenient commodity
with willing open legs spare me those perfectly rolled tears as you hope that someday he’ll take your hand instead
dull minded old girl your will is not your own buck up
it starts with one step then two and so forth out from the world into your house where your will waits for you to open your heart
and for once let it swallow you whole
one day in January
hush she coos
the west is nearing
the sky leaves sullen traces
angels weep a tepid rain over
graves of stoney colored flowers too wounded to proceed wherein
ojo de venado
for the most part
this Spring has been bland
the honeysuckle doesn’t woo me
the curiosity has dried from my heart i don’t read how i used to
Bad Brains or the good Reverend Horton Heat don’t sound to me like they used to way back when
there is an apostate strand of DNA to the right of my interior
the witching hour sticks at me like when Ladd Jr soccer kicked a wasps nest
i’m weak and can’t believe anymore my demons know they’re close to laughing last
my molars are ground down tear ducts parched i don’t have mercy for me
God i can’t feel You next to me how lost i feel tonight
there is a world that got away the war is done but i’m still trapped in this fucking battle
numb and cursed moss eyed doe i think i’ve plucked my own eye out
perhaps it’s just nature and my time has come to grow a beard
perhaps Noemi has gone away her angel’s don’t sit and play poker smoking big cigars like she said
it’s 4:37 am
no one wants me nor do they wish me anything any which way
click
strike
lit
gurgle
pour
clink
suck
blow
gulp
there’s an Aztec sunrise ceremony on channel 2
my belief in magic’s gone
carnations are pink
in my kitchen calico lady cat yawns at the sunny rays piercing the window
she don’t like tuna a real nut job of a cat
my coffee’s ready four cubes and half and half we engage eyes the cat and i
she stretches ten feet long including freshly sharpened claws on the leg of the velvet black couch
i concede she’s the queen i drink coffee smokey creamy good i think of a certain lover of long ago
the cat she knows my thoughts i blush a little her pupils broaden at my joyful shame
my memories entwined with coffee steam like my lover’s clumsy breath descending on my bright pink mound
to miss not the sensation but the act of being held for a few moments by a pair of hungry arms
sensing the melancholy seeping in the cat meows at me asking that we share a glance out the window
my carnations had bloomed again after a long blue winter
it’s cool old dude
were both off you know
drunk wild seed spreader
we met in combat always
we tried i still remember the porky pigs and bugs bunnies your fellow inmates drew when you sent letters from jail
twisted twisted twisted we became one old soul one fallen angel
it’s late now you a legend i’ll leave it there
it’s ok i’ve found others to take your place then they betrayed me too
ha! trust you say i have none not even for me
i needed a daddy maybe in another life i was something wicked and i deserved you or maybe it was the other way around
you hurt me a hurt so so deep that i don’t know how to let God in
but it’s ok i can walk talk think and take a bath i can breath laugh and when they least expect it maybe even love a little
i really needed you father when i went ape shit and almost took my life ok ok a few times
just like mom always the corrector
you tried and thanks for letting me be your father
if i was a guy i wouldn’t be a good husband but i love kids so maybe i’ve been my own dad at my age i’m still confused my time line shattered
it’s ok we did what we could i can drive monster trucks shoot guns and know basic boxing moves
thanks daddy that makes me cool
i’ve got to go now we hurt each other
your legacy was tough to carry and since then i have tweaked it a bit
maybe today i will be my own mirror
words less spoken 