64
Los Feliz
we’ve always been
kleiner clown
stars twinkle quietly pretty shards of diamonds distorted by millions of eons away from my finger tips
surfing in my mind thinking of my mom Lou Reed starts to rise and my heart falls apart
the bitter melancholy comes in sputters black roses start to wilt
thoughts float about in icy sky line no snow or eastern blocks in California
my mother where did she go where was i left to the mercy of the gravity among the milky way
Klaus Nomi sits in shiny triangle black space to my right singing opera lullabies
the water from my eyes wells up but doesn’t spill instead it boils down to dust which i use to bury myself no more lingering on
reading books of talismans in the pitch of the darkest part of night purple pinks blues and blacks
with the soot from the bottom of my foot i draw a wide smile upon the center of my soul
where in daylight for your pleasure will always be radiant
the photo
there you are ever so elusive little girl in marching boots eyes full of emotions jaded and dry your face long hair going it’s own way and your lips couching words hardly ever spoken what happened to you can you tell me anything or do you assume i already know the pillow the dark room the old narrow bed sheets scratching and pricking like thorns and when it was over the negative processed in the infinite dark rooms of our mind days became stages of distortion where actors die to live but you exit right all the time the night’s cusp on your worried face the wider you smile the deeper the pain snapshot smile snapshot cry snapshot deny
they
they too tumultuous for the human skin in the concrete castles of their heritage across seas and spirits children of the mental Gypsy of the skies buried standing up because of the way it had to be they modern ancients blood slow blue for bruising not for nothing else pain deep from marrow bone deafening in the soul of future fruitlings scrubbing out a filthy spot that wickedly came anyway woe upon no one else but the dueling ‘archs’ and pass the wine for sobbing
this thing
the thing it is fantastically big
dark with some pockets of rainbow
like an oil spill choking oxygen from the sea
this thing it creeps upon me
looks me in the eyes until my glance falls
to the ground beneath my bare feet
such a crazy thing it is comes when i need to rest
and like a vine above my dreams there it hangs
menacing the angels and their holy valor
the thing it swallowed my St. Christopher
when i was three it crush my compass too
ripped my maps to smithereens
left my raft broken in many places
now that i am old and sunken in
this thing still haunts me
it shakes me shrieks at me and makes me cry
i have tried to fight with fire water and dope
then i thought i’d be nice and slept with it
but to no avail this thing grew denser and denser
not even the sacred doves could pacify it
but like all who have come before me
and to those who come this way
i have learned to exist amongst it
this thing my fearful monster
i chained to it
both night and day
for you
may your health always be abundant
and if your heart goes on and skips a beat
may it be for raging glorious joy
and not caused by anger that you keep
i wish you all the gold and silver coins
that your pockets can absorb
and that your house be warm and stable
with no enemies at your door
may your children be strong and faithful
may they grow in the wisdom you provide
as they walk in your own footsteps
until the day of their own path arrives
may your hands always be filled with warmth and comfort
radiating from the hands of those who love you so
may you always have the blessings
from the One who guides your soul
cloudy head
i didn’t always know
that life would be
ok
i was never sure
who would be there
but
my understanding of the
workings of the world
would
arrive some day i
guessed a lot at
seven
so i watched the
war planes fly fast
t.v.
kept my heart curious
about how life could
have
been but didn’t quite
happen that way for
me
but i have ten
fingers and ten toes
i
can still walk and
talk although nonsense it
may
be and i can
laugh and sing off
key
and i can find
those old reels of
the
blitzkriegs and still feel
the sadness for the
world
my head those clouds
i somehow knew well
just
a child i was
lost in the luftwaffe
of
life’s adults who were
possibly less well equipped
than
me a little kid
mastering the power to
heal
mommy issues
it drips and mingles
marries with the blood
soothsayer to what comes
slashes through the confusion
of the heart ethics
of good and not
so much evil is
her delicious name i
a groupie of her’s
claimed soul punch the
mirror to break the
soul it’s cloaked in
tones of luke warm
vengeance clouded in the
wine and chemicals entwined
don’t need your knife
to stab my back
i can self destruct
in searing pleasure do
you know what love
is i didn’t think
so and words fall
from your corpsely lips
corrupting my intentions to
provide a safety switch
to the runaway train
that is my conscience
rage and anger exotic
sisters of pain and
trickery demons extraordinaire in
the doctrine of auto
annihilation i rebuke myself
turn to junkydom cliff
little generational differences
laughing a little in the dream i had a roasted turnip with paprika for breakfast maybe that’s it it’s noon on Alpha Omega how does that work for you there is loneliness in her jeer but she keeps at me i’m not beautiful like a spring breeze i’m not delicate like a feather i cannot be a ballerina with two stone feet i am nothing and i cannot write pretty words like the zenith is your eyes i write rusted words like hurt me with your tongue knife and my ideas weigh like mercury on mars but she the Venus does not mind when i do her bidding our way of seeing life is very different i smitten with the downtown proletariat she with uptown well to do’s i can’t believe you are my daughter i know i say that i agree with you it’s too late momma i’m half way gone it’s best this way no hard feelins’ right i know punctuation and the grammar rules real fine but my lips shoot out the poisons thought of in my heart perhaps if reincarnation does abide the cosmic rules she’s supposed to follow i will come back as a super model just for you but now you’re gone and i see you in the clouds above in periwinkle linen and jewels the color of God’s eyes i heard you mother all of our unhappy life together and while on earth your words did bite me i also learned to use their teeth to cut my noose i ran away and did it my way it nearly killed me too but rest assured that in your way as a mother that you were your raising helped me through
words less spoken 