Indeed, it is very rare when I can feel the stillness of my spirit. It is a wild one. It thrives on diving off the highest cliffs of life and relishes the feeling of narrowly avoiding the jagged rocks of human pain below. I feel her today. She sits next to me silently caressing the gold of the elusive clear horizon.
Thoughts of worry flood me every so often. Will the stillness leave us causing my spirit to tear my natural peace a sunder? It has been much too long before I had the courage to go on my own. To walk away from the safety of the rock solid artificial happiness was terrifying. I did not want to wander in the depth of dark waters for so many years more.
the day dream
the news comes and goes
laughing children noises
frame the window to a past
that has no terrible value
perhaps I should leave it to the dawn
The time for the appointment is here. I have made a commitment to go outside today. How I wish I was in Big Sur with him. He loved me how I was, but I didn’t love myself. Do I love myself now, I wonder? I laugh a little. The water hushes me and I smile. His shoulders wide and strong, my disease and madness a little stronger. It’s not that he abandoned me, it’s just that he believed in freedom. I believed that my sickness was an entitlement worth dying for.
my way…
indeed it is very rare when i can feel the stillness of my spirit it is a wild one it thrives on diving off the highest cliffs of life and relishes the feeling of narrowly avoiding the jagged rocks of human pain below i feel her today she sits next to me silently caressing the gold of the elusive clear horizon
thoughts of worry flood me every so often will the stillness leave us causing my spirit to tear my natural peace a sunder it has been much too long before i had the courage to go on my own to walk away from the safety of the rock solid artificial happiness was terrifying i did not want to wander in the depth of dark waters for so many years more
the day dream
the news comes and goes
laughing children noises
frame the window to a past
that has no terrible value
perhaps i should leave it to the dawn
the time for the appointment is here i have made a commitment to go outside today how i wish i was in Big Sur with him he loved me how i was but i didn’t love myself do i love myself now wonder i laugh a little the water hushes me and i smile his shoulders wide and strong my disease and madness a little stronger it’s not that he abandoned me it’s just that he believed in freedom i believed that my sickness was an entitlement worth dying for
words less spoken 
A deeply moving piece.
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Thank you, Sue.
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After reading this, I thought back to when I saw a teenager dive off a rock into the water below. He emerged from the water happy and triumphant and swam a little till he was in shallow water and striding confidently to the beach. After a few steps he began to falter and I saw a tear in his hip right down to the bone. He had scrapped his hip against the side of a jagged rock under the water and never felt anything till a while later. I say this because it’s funny how reading poems brings out response, perhaps different to what the poet intended. The same words have different meaning to different people.
” It thrives on diving off the highest cliffs of life and relishes the feeling of narrowly avoiding the jagged rocks of human pain below.”
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Such is life I suppose. I just wanted to feel during that part of my life. Thanks for sharing Len and for reading ✌❤
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