an opened can of
corn and ash filled cups behind
your bible bookcase
i didn’t notice
dusk approaching silently
baby blue surfboard
against your bedroom
doors my hand reaches to them
Darwin winks at me
encircling my legs
your absence claws both our hearts
he feeds on salmon
the path of cigar
ashes etched like hieroglyphs
leads to your studio
Old Glory salutes
me she hangs on solemnly
a noble widow
kneeling in front of
the jar holding your medals
Darwin smiles at me
Asa who laid in the Panhandle with me you strung out on love i on wild chemistry from around the Tenderloin Asa who lent me his Walkman for Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters as i stared into the night sky higher than our hangout on Coit Tower Asa who was ecstatic when we shared stories about the boys we kissed at the Trocadero on Wednesday nights as i cried when you told me your fate Asa you with your toothy smile biting my cherry Danish as you took off the shirt from your back to cover all of my track marks when the workers came to take you away to your mother’s place in silence and all i could do for you Asa was stand as the ambulance pulled away
prodigal daughter
rest your weary spirit now
welcome to your home
llego
el
tiempo de
verme como soy
un humano de hueso estelar
caminando por los caminos indebidos con pasos tímidos
hasta el templo de la antigüedad donde todos los secretos mueren en silencio
y en la lucha yo contra yo no entiendo mi naturaleza deseo volar con halas de ángel pero solo soy hombre
y en la decisión de amar o odiar me tropiezo y con furia levanto mis manos para el rostro de la santidad golpear con puños destructivos que no me llevan al cielo más alto
no me sirven los pies para llegar al lugar bendito y mis pensamientos navego a lugares fríos donde no hay luz
este día suplico tener permiso de entrar a la casa de mis madres
y que mi espíritu sea nutrido por sus
consejos medicinales donde ya no
sufra mi alma
y descanse
en
paz
chego
o
tempo de
veja-me como eu sou
um humano de osso estelar
andando nas estradas erradas com passos tímidos
para o templo da antiguidade, onde todos os segredos morrem em silêncio
e na luta eu contra mim mesmo eu não entendo minha natureza Eu quero voar com halos de anjo mas eu sou apenas um homem
e na decisão de amar ou odiar Eu tropeço e com fúria eu levanto minhas mãos para a face da santidade atingida por punhos destrutivos que não me levam ao mais alto céu
meus pés não me servem para alcançar o lugar abençoado e meus pensamentos eu navego para lugares frios onde não há luz
hoje peço permissão para entrar na casa da minha mãe
e que meu espírito seja nutrido por sua
conselhos medicinais onde você não está mais
sofre minha alma
e descanse
em
paz
the
time
of seeing
me as i am
a human of stellar bone
walking on the wrong paths with timid steps
to the temple of antiquity where all secrets die in perfectly still silence
in the fight i against myself i do not understand my nature wanting to fly with angel wings i’m just man
and in the decision to love or hate i stumble and with fury raise my hands to the face of sanctity hitting with destructive fists that do not take me to the highest heaven
feet don’t serve me to reach the blessed place my thoughts I navigate to cold places where there is no light
this day begging to have permission to enter my mothers’ house
and may my spirit be nourished by their
medicinal advice where my soul
will not suffer
and rest
in
peace
as a babe i was never the tender one in the infancy of the developing footsteps of the mind i was just a soldier trained and not raised for raising would mean a coup at some point i was rather just a little girl kid lost on the floor of Grand Central Market amongst the watch towers of produce foxholes of spices grenades of chow mein and old man coffee napalm Kurtz was at every corner and my bayonet still could never hook the salmon filets embalming in the smoky mist of downtown bus pollution of course not being an heir of Grant or Lee i fell back in the back of most everything but my duty was not to keep score but rather lead the budding anarchy of my Phoenixian heart
the thoughts i had of you
as the dark of the night nodded off
and the rays of the yellow dwarf
slid through softly open curtains
reminding me that there wasn’t any romance between us
but when your phantom fingers stroked my mind
the imagination of the woman you turned me to
thrusted me into an explosive fantasy
so he said don’t look up
little darling or your pistachio
eyes will turn to coal
so i said no they won’t
but i did not believe my words
although against logic
i looked up anyway
so can you see stars and lines
or dark dark bubbles on the car
doors my little darling
your eyes are red
no i said so i can keep
looking unbeknown to him
i really wanted to burn
my eyes out to stop the future
from charging me
so listen my petite
devil i cannot let you
look up anymore
so place this hat upon your
head and know that God is always
above you
i know i am beneath
but can i have an orange
oh no no i want a pickle
with pastrami instead
i could not see but i lied
anyway
so you think you’re
hungry? we have food
in the car follow me
but don’t look up and if you’re
good we can roll down the
hill together
my lover is fast
manipulative
expensive
mean-
but when my lover is in my bed
my lover has an addicting sweetness
filling the worm holes in my soul
with the light of the stars
under God’s feet
my lover curls my toes with delight
my lover licks and suckles universes
in and out of my body and mind
i never knew existed
my lover’s almost vapory fingers
massage me
penetrate me
in luscious blinding ecstasy
swirling my very breath
in orgasmic space travel
past the Nebulae
that are yet to come
i simply believed
that i loved my lover more than anything, ever
that the continents could fall below me
that Satan himself could drag me
into the molten pits of Hell by my guts
i didn’t care as long as my lover was there with me
on my arm
or at least have my lover close enough
where i could sniff their tarty scent
they got under my skin
i lost control of myself
i lost the life
that i would like to have gotten accustomed to-
and i almost lost my soul, forever
words less spoken 